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Elvis,
Anyone' - Issue #6
Today I got proposed to by the most adorable male that I've ever seen. The way he proposed to me was equally adorable, if I may quote: 'Miss Issa, will you marry me so you can read to me an' cook for me an' stuff??. The fact that this guy is four and a half years old and only three feet tall doesn't come into the equation one bit. Now who am I talking about? Ah, I've never told you people about Logan. Little Logan who's only four and a half. I don't know what his last name is, but it must be something on the lines of No. All I ever hear his mother call him is Logan No or Logan Don't-Touch or Logan Look-What-You-Did. Or maybe Logan's last name is Logan, because she calls him No Logan a lot too. What does Logan look like? He's the sweetest looking little boy I've ever laid eyes on. He's got this mop of brown hair that is almost always covered with a baseball cap. When he doesn't have his baseball cap on, all his hair sticks up in every direction, sometimes resembling Alfalfa from the Little Rascals or Denis the Menace. Already you can tell he's going to have those long eyelashes that girls are jealous of and once the baby fat melts away, he's going to grow into a handsome young man. I met Logan one day on my way into the bookstore. You could call it a hit and run, because one minute something bumped into me, then the next I saw a little red blur zoom on towards the toy store. His mother was calling him Logan Slow-Down over and over. Of course he didn't listen. A few hours later I see his mother come into the bookstore. Now that he's not running all over the place, I can see that he's got on a little red shirt and a matching cap. That first impression to stand there and go 'Awwww?' was pretty darn strong, especially when he looked up at me and grinned, going 'Hey lady! I'm four today!? Adorable, just plain adorable. I didn't think he was all too terribly adorable five minutes later. That's when he let go of his mother's hand and started running towards the children's section. My co-workers and I were busy up front, but all of a sudden we heard the sound of books falling from the shelf and Logan's mother yelling at him to pick up his mess. Of course, when I went to look he had pulled down nearly half of the Curious George books. I was going to get after him, but he pulled out the Little Boy Smile and I just couldn't find it in me to yell at him for the mess. That was just the first time he visited the store. He had decided to be polite on a first meeting. During the next few weeks, he got a little more louder and a whole lot more destructive, knocking down displays and making every single one of my co-workers want to skin him alive. I've had my share of calling him Logan Stop-Running, and strangely I'm the only one he listens to. As you guys know, Halloween was a couple of weeks ago. Amid all the people dressed up as Sponge Bob Squarepants and the typical Halloween vampires and ghouls were a few memorable costumes. An adult Hugh Hefner was escorted around by his lovely assistant Nurse Bambi, some guy had painted himself blue and ran around in blue swim trunks and wire frame glasses (I loved that costume by the way), and there were three different versions of Rogue walking the mall. That's how come I couldn't go as her like I planned, the stores had run out of white hair paint. Then of course came the many, many little versions of Spiderman, some outfits store bought, others homemade. Yeah, yeah, Spiderman's big this year. Wait till next Halloween when all the little kids will be fighting over the Cyclops and Wolverine costumes at the store. There was even a guy dressed up as Sabretooth, or else that's what he said he was. Very GQ looking, that guy, even with the mutton chops. And what did I get to be, seeing as movie verse Rogue was out of the question? I came as I usually am when I write. That meant dressing up in flannel pajama bottoms and a t-shirt with fluffy green slippers. Some people didn't get it when I told them I was an Author for Halloween, but oh well. Anyway, I'm drifting off from Logan. Around the end of the candy distributing, he came prancing in with a Spiderman outfit on. I asked him how come he wasn't Wolverine, seeing as his name is Logan and all. He looked up at me and gave me this confused look. 'Why would I want to be HIM? Wolverine's a pansy!' Then he proceeded to shout out Wolverweenie, especially when he saw the lone kid in the yellow and blue spandex. I gave that kid extra candy, then another handful when he went 'Trick or treat, bub!' Logan kept on taunting, then pouted when he saw how little candy I had given him. I'm gonna have to teach that boy right, one of these days. Oh, and about my answer to his proposal? I told him no because I like to punish little boys that run through bookstores and tear the place apart. He gulped and then reconsidered. 'If ya won't marry me, will ya just be my girlfriend that cooks an' reads me stories?' Look at what womankind has to deal with in the next sixteen or so years. Hopefully by then he'll have grown out of the Wolverweenie phase. Then again, we can only hope. See
ya next time! ice princess deluxe |