A Real Man

by Dyce

Disclaimer: Can we say sillyfic, boys and girls? I know we can. <*g*> This little piece is just a bit of harmless fun, using names and characters that to not belong to me. Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy it.

Wolverine had a problem.

He, deep in his crusty heart, wanted to see Runaway Bride.

Wolverine, the tough, the hard-hearted, the ultimately macho Wolverine, wanted to go see a chick-flick and there was nobody to make him take them, like a girlfriend, or a close female friend, or a kid, even. And he really wanted to see Julia Roberts and Richard Gere working together again. He'd liked 'Pretty Woman'. In the case of 'Pretty Woman', though, he'd gotten lucky. Rogue had made him take her.

Maybe she'd make him take her again? She was mad at Remy right now... so was everyone... He brightened. It was opening in Salem Center today. He'd just sit in the kitchen and look cranky. That always worked. Women saw that look and wanted to be brutal to him, so they made him go do girl stuff with them. (Wolverine had never admitted to anyone that he liked shoe-shopping. Hours of actually being TOLD to stare at pretty female legs strutting up and down in front of a mirror was one of the better ways to spend an afternoon.)

Now, in pursuit of a trip to the movies, he took pains to look as butch as possible. Beer in hand... shirt open... cigar butt on table... another one in his mouth... muddy boots on the table... belches at carefully irregular intervals... the whole shebang. And Petey was sitting right at the other end, doing one of his little sketches. There was no way one of the women in the house wasn't gonna try and civilise him.

Sure enough, Rogue marched in a minute later. She slammed a mug down on the bench, and nearly broke the coffeemaker with her racketing around. Yup, any second now her eye was gonna fall on the mean ol' man at the end of the table and-

"Petey?" she said, in a tone somewhere between coax and demand. "Ah wanna go to 'Runaway Bride', but Ah got no-one to go with. Will ya come?"

"Of course, Rogue." Piotr said placidly. "It will be nice to get out of the house."

That... that rat! Why hadn't he said no? She'd have turned around and forced him, Wolverine to do it!! Wolverine glared at them both, sucking grumpily on his cigar. It wasn't fair!

Calm. Patience. There would be another woman along soon. There always was, here.

Sure enough, Ororo strode gracefully into the kitchen... with Remy dragging his feet behind her. "We are going, Remy, and that is final," she said firmly. "You said that you wished to make things up to me, well, this is your chance to begin."

"Yes, ma'am," he said meekly. "Y' wan' me t' get you popcorn too?"

Wolverine's head snapped up. "Popcorn?"

"Remy is escorting me to see 'Runaway Bride'," Ororo informed him. Remy gave him a 'you-don't-know-how-lucky-you-are' look. Wolverine returned it in full as the cajun was dragged away. Bastard!

He slumped. It wasn't faaaiiir! He wanted some sweet, well-meaning woman to bully him into going to a chick-movie. Was that too much for a rough, tough scrapper to ask? Hmp.

Then he brightened. Maybe Kitty wanted to go? Sure, she might not be up for a romantic movie, what with her own romance breaking up and all, but it'd be good for her. Yeah. He'd just have to mention that Rogue and Ororo had gone, and then submit to his fate.

He tracked her half-way down the stairs into the basement. She was towing a determinedly struggling Marrow *up* the stairs. "We're going to see the movie, Marrow," Kitty insisted. "Think of it as a documentary of how pretty people think. And put shoes on."

Wolverine slumped against the wall. "Goin' ta see 'Runaway Bride'?" he asked dispiritedly.

"Yep," Kitty said brightly. "It's your lucky day! I'm dragging Marrow along instead of you."

Logan nodded and dragged himself upstairs. FOUR women in the house and none of them wanted to bully him. They obviously didn't love him. Nobody loved him. If they loved him, they'd make him go to the movie. He slumped his way over to the phone, and dialed a number. "Hiˇ¦ Yeahˇ¦ can I speak to Jubilee? Thanks." Pause. "Jubilee?"

"I saw it already," Jubilee said smugly.

Only the last vestiges of his male pride kept him from howling in disappointment.

"But if you take me shopping as well, you can come with me to see it again."

"Okay," Wolverine agreed meekly.

She giggled. "Get over here and take me to the movie, or I'll hate you forever."

"Sure thing, darlin'," Logan agreed, and hung up as fast as he decently could. If he broke the speed limit a bit, he'd make it in time for the evening show.


[main page | archive | forums | gallery ]