Dying Of The Light


Jubilee opened her eyes to see the white roof of her room. She could hear Logan breathing beside her, strung tight as a bow even in sleep. She kept her breathing even, feigning sleep. Logan hadn't been sleeping much since he was told and she knew he needed it.

'Was it really only one week ago?' She wondered 'One week since they told me I had a month to live.'

Hank had noticed some irregularities in one of her normal checkups. On further investigation he had found that she had cancer. By the time he found it, it was already too late. The cancer had spread from her lungs and worked its way through most of her body. Nothing in this world could save her.

She sighed as she thought about how her friends had reacted. They'd refused to believe it was impossible. Paige still said that if they had enough faith Jubilee would pull through. Jubilee was a little more cynical then that. Everett had been no help; he'd had a complete breakdown when he'd heard. Monet for once had been more then just a stuck up rich kid. She was helping him through this one day at a time. Jubilee found it surprising but she was grateful to Monet for that. She didn't know whether she could have handle seeing Ev like that. Angelo and Logan had been the ones who kept her sane though.

Most of the others pussy footed around her, afraid to disturb the dying she supposed. Logan had known that she needed something other then pity. He'd taken her out on hikes and put her through danger room sequences. She was still strong for the most part although at times the tiredness would get to her. She had enjoyed those times with Logan; it had made her forget for a little time. Hank had put her on morphine to stop the pain. She didn't take nearly as much as she should though. She didn't want to spend the last three weeks of her life as a blissed out zombie.


She moved into a more comfortable position and Logan woke up with a start. Jubilee smiled down at him,

"Welcome back to the land of the living sleepyhead."

Logan blinked at her slowly before shaking his head. One of the greatest gifts he had given Jubilee over the years had been the fact that he could relax near her. He wasn't always on guard for some new threat. She supposed that she didn't pose much threat but still it was nice.

"Why didn't you wake me kid?" he asked, smiling.

Logan's smiles were so rare these days that Jubilee treasured each one of them like the jewels they were. She knew that her dying would be painful for him. Knew that he still hadn't excepted the inevitable even though it was right before him. It was as if by simply keeping an eye on her twenty-four hours a day he could stop the grim reaper from claiming her. Jubilee smiled again, she knew that if the grim reaper had been a person he probably could have.

She'd missed Logan when she'd gone to the school, had missed all there times together. Heck she'd missed all the X-men. She supposed that that was why she'd mentioned her adventure's with them so much. Because every time she remembered something it was like they were there with her again, even if they were so many miles away.

"You needed some sleep Logan and I wasn't about to wake you from it. You've been pushing yourself to hard lately." She said, giving him a hard look.

His grin widened if anything,

"So who made you my mother Lee?" he asked.

Jubilee grinned up at him and snorted.

"You need a mother Wolvie. If it hadn't been for me you probably would've forgotten your own head sometimes."

A shadow crossed over Logan's eyes and he stopped smiling. Jubilee groaned in frustration, she didn't want them feeling bad about her. Didn't want them to be forever thinking about when she was gonna die. It was getting so that she wanted to avoid the rest of them just so she wouldn't have to face their pain. It wasn't as if they were the ones dying either, what right did they have to get all weepy. If it was anyone that should be wailing at the moon it was her.

Jubilee shook it off and berated herself, she knew they only wanted to share the pain with her. Knew that they thought it would lesson it if she could talk. Jubilee had never been good at talking about her own pain though. Others she'd been able to handle, always been there with a helpful shoulder. Yet when it came to her own she'd rather not talk about it. Rather just let it work its way through and pass by without mention.

She reached out a hand and brushed it across Logan's.

"Logan don't, please. I don't want you guys to feel bad about this. Heck I've lived seventeen years. They've been good ones two I don't think I could've wanted better ones. You know the one thing I'm goin' ta regret is leaving you all behind. Heck, I've haven't been really alone since I stepped through that portal of Gateways. Even when I was I always knew that somehow you guys would find me."

Logan bowed his head and pulled her up into a hug.

"I wish I could go with ya kid, I wish we could do this last journey together but..."

Jubilee hugged him fiercely ignoring the pain it brought her.

"I don't want you to go with me Logan. You've always been a survivor and I want you to promise me that you'll keep doing that after I'm gone. I want you to promise that you'll make the others do the same. I don't want any of you mopping around blaming yourself for something ya couldn't help, okay?"

Logan pulled away from her, looking down into her eyes.

"I promise Jubilee." He said simply.

Jubilee laid her head against his chest for awhile, drawing on his strength.

"Wolvie, can you do something for me?"

"Anything darlin', for you, anything."

"Can you take me somewhere else? I don't want to die here. Perhaps somewhere with a beach? I've always loved the beach." She said in a rush.

Logan looked down into her clear blue eyes and though for a second.

"I think we can do that kid."


Two weeks and six days later.....

Jubilee lay by the shore held in Logan's arms. The others were all asleep back at the beach house. Jubilee had asked Logan to bring her out here for one last look at the sea. She was so tired now; it was an effort even to lift up her head.

"Wolvie, I don't think I'm gonna be here much longer. I feel so tired and my eyelids feel like lead." She explained.

Logan held her tighter and she could feel the tears in his eyes,

"I know kid, I know. You just close your eyes now and we'll listen to the ocean for a while."

Jubilee closed her eyes and settled back further in Logan's arms, she wanted to tell him so much. Yet, there were only so many words in the English language and never enough to truly say all that needed be said. So instead she said the only words that really mattered,

"I love ya Wolvie. Take care of yourself, okay? I don't want to see you again any time soon."

Logan hugged her to him and buried his face in her hair,

"I love ya to kid, ya take care of yourself and give the angels hell."

Jubilee chuckled weakly and breathed out softly,

"Always Wolvie, always...."

She died then, in his arms and he picked her up and held her to him. He didn't want to believe she was gone. Didn't want to admit that the child he'd thought of as his blood was gone. He cried out in rage, a deep grating sound of loss and despair. Bowing himself over her the tears began to fall and if he was honest with himself he knew that he would never get over this death.