The first part of this chapter is a quote
from the bible, as if you didn't know. I'm using that without permission
as well but hey, it's the bible. I'm sure God won't mind.
"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with thy rod thy staff and me they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."
Jubilee listened to the prayer with half an ear, her eyes on the two graves before her. It had been a long time since she'd visited the two people buried here. Hank had been more then happy to drive her. She supposed he thought it was some kind of healing thing, she'd never wanted to see her parent's graves before. She'd never been dying before either. They were plain gravestones, her parents money, the money that would have been hers had been lost in a stock market crash just before they died.
Jubilee couldn't remember for how long she'd hated the men who did that to her parents, she supposed that if Logan hadn't been with her when she confronted them she might very well have killed them. Despite what Logan thought, despite what everyone thought Jubilee knew that if the need or the hate was strong enough she could kill, and kill without conscience.
"Mom, Dad, I know it's been a while. I'm sorry I haven't been ta see ya more often. I've kinda been busy living, just like ya woulda wanted me to. Least, that's what Logan said, that you woulda wanted me to go on being the bright firecracker, the one always ready with a smile. I'd never tell him but sometimes it's hard. Seems I've always gotta be the happy one, the life of the party. I guess, I just want to be sad sometimes, ya know? I want ta be able to just sulk without feeling guilty about it.
I know they don't mean to do it. Heck, Logan'd be horrified if he knew I felt like it was a duty to be happy. It's how I feel. I miss you; I miss you so much sometimes I don't know if the hurt will ever go away. I'm afraid sometimes that I'll forget. That one day I'll wake up and I won't be able to remember what it was like before. IíŽI can't remember what you looked like. I try and all I get is a smell, or the sound of Dad's voice. I try to remember, but it's so blurry. I felt so bad the first time it happened, I cried for so long. The people I was with tried to help. They were good people, they just didn't understand though.
The school I'm at now, it's a good place. I think you'd approve. I don't think you'd like my marks much though, you always did have a thing about school. I try, real hard even sometimes. I just can't seem to get it any more though. It's like; it's a part of the other time, the time when you were both alive. It hurts to remember so I don't try, cause' if I try then I remember and I don't want to. I know that sounds silly, and I know you'd be the first to tell me to stop being such a fool. I guess everyone has to be a little foolish now and then though.
Paige has been trying to help me lately. Guess she feels that since I'm dying I should have someone around to talk to or something like that. Everyone seems to want me to talk about it. Hank says it's their way of dealing with it. He says that in getting me to talk then they can talk. Who would've thought that even though I'm the one dying, I still have to be the one to make everyone feel better? Yes, I know how petty that sounds; I just get so tired of being everybody's favourite firecracker.
I think I'm repeating myself now. There was so much I wanted to tell you. I wish you were here so I could tell you face to face. There was so many times when I wanted you both to be there. So many times when I turned to tell you something and remembered you aren't there any more. I know you didn't want to die, I know it wasn't anything that could've been changed. I justíŽI wish."
Jubilee looked up at Hank, her eyes wet with tears as she knelt in the cool grass by her parents graves, "Yeah Hank?"
Hank watched Jubilee with sad, knowledgable eyes, "It's time to go Jubilee, we have to get to the hospital so you can begin the treatments."
Jubilee sighed and nodded, "Alright Hank, just give me one more minute, please?"
Hank smiled, "Of course."
Jubilee turned back to her parents graves, "I've got to go Mom and Dad, Hank's taking me to the hospital to start me on some Chemotherapy treatments. He doesn't know if they'll do any good but it's a start. The others, well they act as if all I have to do is go into the hospital and then miraculously I'll come out healed. Remy says that sometimes people need their delusions. I asked him why he didn't but he didn't answer me, only got that far off look in his eyes that he sometimes gets. I think he knows a bit about letting the ones that you love go. I know you must miss me Mom and Dad, about as much as I miss you. It's just, I don't want to die just yet, the others; they need me. I can't just leave them like this. So, could you please have a little word with God for me? Tell him I need a little more time. I'm sure he'll understand; you could always make anyone understand. I love you both."
Jubilee stood and swayed slightly, her head aching even through the deadening effects of the painkillers she was taking. Hank came forward and gripped her arm, watching her in concern as she shook her head and pulled her arm from his grip, "I'm not an invalid Hank, I can walk by myself."
"I have no doubt that you can Jubilation. Still, sometimes it is not a weakness to let your friends help."
Jubilee sighed and looked Hank in the eye for a second before rolling her own and holding out her arm, "Fine, fineíŽif it makes ya feel useful."
Hank chuckled and gripped her arm, walking her back to the car.