The Hunger

by Parodys

I wanted to get your opinion on this's fairly dark and depressing. *grins* like the rest of my fics aren't! I'd love to know what you think of this and since ffn is down....bleh :P

Anyway here it is.....(drumroll please!)

Disclaimer: I'm just playing with them, I'll promise to put them back when I'm done.

A/N: Yep it's Jubes since I'm betting you're going to ask and yes its Wolverine. Warnings for mature themes and sexual situations. She's an adult, he's an adult don't get your panties in a twist over it. Jubilee is also a telepath in this...a very strong one.

I have spent a lifetime watching him. An eternity in seconds because that's all I have of him- seconds: fragile, desperate ticks on a clock that I wage a war against. In my scenario, my dream, I win and he is mine despite it all. Despite his need to run, to keep those he loves at a distance. I suppose I should be flattered- it's been four years since I saw him last. Each time he's come home to the mansion he's managed to miss me. Or avoid me. Either way the most I've seen of him is the tailpipe of his Harley as he speeds off into the night.

I know why he's haunted, why he runs from me, why his dreams are tormented. It had started off so simply, just a hot day, far from perfect. The team had spent the day lounging around the house, tired and sweaty. I had just graduated from college with a BA under my belt and the summer had been key in spending some much longed for time with him. I was 21- far from being a child but he still managed to tease me like I was still 13.

Those precious hours together, while we drank lemonade so cold that it was that delicious mixture between liquid and ice, dipping our feet in the lake, talking until the stars burst into view.

In the end it was my fault. My mistake. Not his. Not his.

Everyone had gone to bed and I had lain in mine for what seemed like forever, my body unable to sleep, too hot to rest, the burning in me making me restless. God help me I couldn't stop what I did next. Before I realized what I was doing I had slipped off my sticky nightshirt and crawled into his bed. Sliding in beside him feeling his rough, hot flesh next to mine was something that I can never forget. He should have thrown me out in that instant. Why didn't he you ask? I helped him, made him think that he was with Jean instead of me.

God. You have no idea what it's like to love a man for over 8 years and know that in no way, shape or form will he ever love you in return. He'll let you be a partner, a friend, a drinking buddy but never a lover. All I wanted was one stolen moment for me, something I could replay in my head over and over again when I slept alone in my bed night after night. He wouldn't have remembered it and everything would have been fine. It was supposed to be harmless.

With every kiss, each gasp, every time his lips brushed my skin, or ran his hands through my hair he was making love to another woman. Funny, you'd think that it'd make a difference¡¦make it less, but it didn't. If you've wanted something long enough and badly enough, a substitute, ever a poor one becomes a dream come true.

It was only after he had shuddered, climaxing with a fierce joy as he clutched my shoulders that I let my shields drop. As he whispered her name with love, he looked into my eyes.

He was angry, furious, even slapped me for the first time as he destroyed the room, destroying any proof that he and I had been together. Scott had barged in only to see me standing naked in the corner, trembling with a large, red welt on my cheek and him throwing clothes on amidst the wreckage of his room.

To Scott's outraged bellow asking what happened, my beloved only replied that he should ask me. As he left all he said was, "Congratulations on finally getting what ya wanted Darlin." He spat out the words like they were poison on his tongue, like he was getting rid of the taste of me that lingered in his mouth.

I haven't seen him since. In the beginning I used to wait up at night for him, hoping that he would somehow forgive me¡¦love me. Now? Now I fall asleep dreaming when he'll be mine. In those dreams we're happy and he loved me. Now all I want is to turn back time to the days before I hurt him, before the desperation, before the hunger grew too great.

In reality I fight the clock, but as each minute passes, turning into hours then days, and eventually years, and the driveway remains empty¡¦ I know that in that brief moment I lost it all.


A/N: *sigh* That's what I get for letting my brain take a back seat and letting the muses write. I know Jubes would never do that¡¦but that's what fanfiction is for right? Loved it? Hated it? Let me know!