One Step Closer

by Genki Girl

I cannot take this anymore
I'm saying everything I've said before
All these words they make no sense
I find bliss in ignorance
Less I hear the less you'll say
But you'll find that out anyway

She stared blankly at his face, her own set and determined. But...if he had taken a closer look, he would have seen that past the hard cool eyes, a crack forming, thin and slender, but slowly growing.

She wouldn't give herself away though, it would take more than this. It would take more than his mind games and tricks to break her...but she was barely holding on. Slowly slipping away, her resolve and strength sapping, she didn't know how much she could take.

The only thing that kept her from losing was she was trying to block him out, trying to let his words roll away from her like water, dripping and sliding off of her.

Just like before...

He would find out what she was doing though, he had after all, found out everything she had tried to do to keep him out...and just like before, he would not only find out, but he'd figure out another way to break her. Another crack would form and she would slowly begin to fall apart.

Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I need a little room to breathe
Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break

It took him awhile, longer than the other times, to find out what she was doing. And when he did...things went straight to hell. She was never left alone, and most definitely not when she slept. Plagued by dreams, by nightmares, by deaths of her loved ones and the accusations thrown at her, flung at her as they died.

Never did he give her a moment's worth of silence. She felt suffocated, she felt as if she was being dragged down, down, down under an ocean where there was nothing, no one to grasp.

Tears ran down her face, flowing like a river, and she was getting closer and closer to falling off an edge she had tried to stay far away from. Cracks everywhere, she was going to fall...and soon.

I find the answers aren't so clear
Wish I could find a way to disappear
All these thoughts make no sense
I find bliss in ignorance
Nothing seems to go away
Over and over again

Time passed by, she didn't know how much. Day in and day out, night came and night went, but she didn't know. She couldn't think anymore, the tears had long since dried, her mouth cracked and bled, she looked and felt as she did on the inside as she did on the out.

Voices came to her, called to her, but they belonged to blurry faces now, she was lost in a sea of faces and voices and she screamed for it all to stop, for it all to just go away and leave her alone.

Soon her own vice was lost with theirs, she couldn't tell if they were the ones who cried out or her. The cracks within her grew even more as time passed on, and she was getting closer and closer to the edge...

Shut up when I'm talking to you
Shut up, shut up, shut up 

She felt a slap delivered to her face, stinging. A fist came flying into her blurry vision and she could taste the blood as it dripped on her lips.

She looked broken, battered, and a small, tiny voice deep inside her sad in sorrow, that if she were to face her friends now, they wouldn't recognize her. The sparkle had long faded, snapped, died out and fallen away from her as the cracks stretched and grew, overwhelming her.

Laughter filled the small, dark room where she was strapped onto the table. She had long ceased to try and identify everything around her, and the laughter did little to already make her body and spirit grow cold. A low, deep voice swirled around her s her mind span. The cracks...were almost everywhere now. Almost...

"She's one step closer to being fully broken, and we're one step closer to unleashing all of that knowledge buried in her stubborn mind," the voice droned on around her. Another crack appeared and amazingly enough, one last tear fell from her otherwise dry eyes. "I'm impressed she has lasted so long, but she WILL break. And then...then we'll see how hard the mighty X-Men will FALL!"

A single crack, the last one in the cliff she stood on, slowly inched near her prone body. She felt bits of rocks fall down into the deep, endless chasm of her mind and she knew, without a doubt, she was going to betray her friends...

No more tears fell from her eyes, just a long, long river of sorrow and fear. And guilt.

I'm about to break!