Kitty Pryde stared at the door with a mixture of dread and sadness. She didn't know why she was there or what it would accomplish. Still she would be getting married in a week and...and she would like to tell the man she thought of her father. Even if he wouldn't remember. Kitty took a deep breath and nodded to the nurse beside her. The nurse unlocked the door for her.
"Just knock when you want out." The nurse told her. Kitty nodded a thanks as she gripped the doorknob. Kitty stepped inside the room, behind her she heard the door shut and lock.
The room was large with a high ceiling. There were windows to the room but they were bared and couldn't be opened. The walls were painted a crisp white and the floors were wood. The room was sparse with only a few pieces of furniture. There was a dresser full of cloths along one of the walls. The top was full of pictures of the X-MEN and Generation X. There was a small card table with two chairs by the door and a bed full of Jubilee's stuffed animals. The room hadn't changed much since he had gotten there over a year ago.
Logan sat on the floor under one of the windows bathed in sunlight. He looked up at Kitty and smiled. "Kitty, what are you doin' here?" He asked.
"I thought I'd just come by to see you." Kitty said smiling a little. She stood awkwardly for a moment folding and unfolding her hands. Then she pulled out one of the chairs and sat down. "How have you been Logan?" She asked.
Logan shrugged. "All right. I've just been here for Jubilee. All those tests the doctors are putting her through. She doesn't like it one bit." He shrugged again smiling. "You know how she can get." He explained. Logan stood up and walked over to her. He pulled out the other chair and Kitty saw blankets and a pillow neatly folded there. He put them on the floor next to him.
"Your still sleeping on the floor?" Kitty asked.
"I don't have a cot, the floor is all right. It doesn't feel as hard as it looks." He said sitting down.
Kitty as always was at a loss of what she should say. "You could always sleep on the bed." She offered gently.
"What and make Jubilee sleep on the floor? Kitty you know she can't do that, I'm fine." He told her waving it away. Kitty nodded and dropped the subject. She stared at her hands trying to think of something to say. It should be easy, she thought, she hadn't been there for months. A lot of things have happened to her in her life. Why couldn't she just tell him?
Logan finally spoke up breaking the silence. "Will you at least say hello?" He asked. Kitty looked up startled at Logan. He wasn't looking at her however, he was looking past her. Kitty followed his gaze to the empty bed. Then she looked back at Logan who was looking stern. He then nodded. "That's better." He looked over to Kitty and paused.
Kitty looked back at him for a moment and inwardly sighed. She then turned again to the bed. "Hello Jubilee." She muttered and turned back to Logan hoping he would announce that Jubilee would now be going to sleep.
"She just came to see how we were." Logan told her. Kitty watched as Logan's eyes trailed across the room. "When did you get a bad mouth girl?" He asked. "I did not teach you that." He said sternly but the corners of his mouth were turning up. He looked over to Kitty again almost apologizing. "She's bored." He stopped again as if someone was interupting him. "And hungry." He drawled.
Kitty shook her head and stood up. She walked over to the other side of the room looking out the window. Outside she could see the garden, several differnt types of flowers lined the paths. Lush green trees with flowers bloomed down bellow. The soft breeze scattered the colored petals in the wind blowing them across the garden. Kitty wondered if Logan ever stared at the garden in appreciation. She wondered if he even bothered looking out the window.
"Have you gone outside yet?" She asked her voice breaking a little.
"No, Jubilee's not well enough to go out." Logan told her.
Kitty didn't turn around. "You could always go out when she's asleep. They'll let you go you know." She whispered. Even though the doors were locked and the windows were bared Logan never tried to leave. He was content to stay in his room with Jubilee. He never caused the doctors or the staff any trouble. His temper never flared and he never got violent. They didn't have to worry about his mutant abilities either. His bone claws were snapped off completely in his last fight, there weren't even nubs left.
"I don't want to leave her. She doesn't like hospitals or doctors." Logan told her. Kitty wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. Bitting her lip she tried not to cry. Instead she stared out the window trying to gather herself. The silence grew for a few minutes until the lump in her throat abated.
Kitty cleared her throat and looked at Logan. "You know Logan a lot of things have happened since I last came here." She told him. "You remember I told you Pete and I were seeing each other again? Well he asked me to marry him and I said yes." She paused trying to judge his expression. "We're going to get married in a week." She finished.
"Are you happy Kitty?" Logan asked.
Kitty nodded. "Yes, I love Pete very much." She told him, her voice breaking once again.
Logan looked thoughtful. "Then I'm happy for you two." He told her. "You deserve to be happy pumkin'." Logan told her. "I'm sorry that I can't be there for you but Jubilee needs me here." He told her.
Kitty nodded wordlessly and looked over to the bed for distraction. She stared at the rows of stuffed animals there, all of them were laid out with such care. She picked up a rabbit, one that she had seen on Jubilee's bed several times. Kitty held it close for a moment and felt the tears threaten to overwhelm her again. She squeezed it as if she were trying to draw reason from it.
"I won't be able to come back for a while." She told him staring at the rabbit. "But I will come back." She told him and a part of her wondered if he would notice if she didn't. "Um." She breathed leaning back her head. She cursed under her breath as she felt the tears fall from her eyes. She put the rabbit back on the bed and brushed the tears from her eyes.
"I have to go now." She told him. Kitty walked over to Logan who was still sitting down. She leaned over and hugged him tightly. Logan hugged her back after a moment. Pulling away Kitty kissed him lightly on the forehead. "I love you Logan. I'll see you later, take care." She whispered.
Kitty walked over to the door and she looked back at him. Logan was looking at some spot in the room smiling. "It wasn't your fault Logan." She told him. If he heard her he didn't show it. Kitty knocked quickly and the door swung open.
"Darlin' will you sit down? They're goin' to bring your lunch." Kitty paused for a moment then walked out without looking back. Kitty huried down the corridor, her footsteps echoing in the hallway. Tears streamed down her face as she fled the building.
Outside it was a hot summer day but Kitty felt cold, she felt numb. She grabbed her keys out of her pocket and ran a hand over her eyes. Kitty got in her car and tried to put the key in the ignition. After a couple failed attempts she cursed and threw her keys at the the dashboard. She leaned against the steering wheel sobbing hysterically.
"It wasn't your fault." She wailed. "It wasn't your fault she was killed." She hit the steering wheel angrily. "Why can't you just accept it? Why can't you understand that's she's gone?" She yelled hitting the sterring wheel again and again until her hands hurt. With an agonizing cry she stopped and slumped over the wheel. Out of the corner of her eye she saw the hospital. She stared at the building with a detatched calm. She sat up slowly and took a jagged breath.
All the times that she had come here hoping he would get better, that there would be some change. That was the whole point, he didn't want to get better. He didn't want to know she was dead. He would rather spend his whole life in that room talking to someone that wasn't even really there. He would rather be there than outside with her or anyone else. Kitty thought and blinked clearing her blured vision.
She sat for a few moments letting it sink in. Then slowly she cleared the tears off of her face and ran her hands through her hair. She buckled her seat belt and started the car. Kitty pulled away from the hospital letting the distance grow between them. Still the distance didn't help ease any of her pain. Kitty knew she would go back. She wouldn't abandon Logan, even if he had given up. He was her family and she loved him. So she would go, even if it hurt her to do so. Even if he wasn't aware of what was going on. What else could she do?