Back Where the Sun Can Find You: Lost

by Addie Logan

Disclaimer: Marvel owns the X-Men, not me. I'm making no money off this. Don't sue. The song at the beginning, "Jubilee," is written and performed by Mary Chapin Carpenter, and is from her album, Stones in the Road. Fleetwood Mac performs "Landslide" and Stevie Nicks wrote it. I don't own those, so again, don't sue. And the Jerry Springer Show isn't mine either, thank goodness...

Summary: Jubilee's gone and Logan's falling apart... (Part six in a series)

Rating: PG-13

Author's Note: Like with part one, if you don't like W/J romantic pairings, DO NOT read this! You have been warned. As always, flamers will be teleported to Ancient Rome and fed to hungry lions. Also, if you like this or any of my stories PLEASE visit my homepage at It has all my stories as well as my fanart. And if your name is Eugenia, I apologize ahead of time...

Feedback and Archiving: Feedback please! If you're reading this at, please be nice and make use of that little review form at the bottom of the page and I'll be eternally grateful. J Also, if you'd like to archive this anywhere, feel free, just let me know where you're putting it. Send all email to [email protected] or message me through AIM at SaraWisdom or Addie_Logan with Yahoo Instant Messenger. (Thanks to everyone who's given me feedback so far!)

I can tell by the way you're walking
That you don't want company
I'll let you alone and I'll let you walk on
And in your own good time you'll be
Back where the sun can find you
Under the wise wishing tree
And with all of them made we'll lie under the shade
And call it a jubilee

And I can tell by the way you're talking
That the past isn't letting you go
But there's only so long you can take it all on
And then the wrong's gotta be on its own
And when you're ready to leave it behind you
You'll look back, and all that you'll see
Is the wreckage and rust that you left in the dust
On your way to the jubilee

And I can tell by the way you're listening
That you're still expecting to hear
Your name being called like a summons to all
Who have failed to account for their doubts and their fears
They can't add up to much without you
And so if it were just up to me
I'd take hold of your hand, saying come hear the band
Play your song at the jubilee

And I can tell by the way you're searching
For something you can't even name
That you haven't been able to come to the table
Simply glad that you came
And when you feel like this try to imagine
That we're all like frail boats on the sea
Just scanning the night for that great guiding light
Announcing the jubilee

And I can tell by the way you're standing
With your eyes filling with tears
That it's habit alone keeps you turning for home
Even though your home is right here
Where the people who love you are gathered
Under the wise wishing tree
May we all be considered then straight on delivered
Down to the jubilee

'Cause the people who love you are waiting
And they'll wait just as long as need be
When we look back and say those were halcyon days
We're talking 'bout jubilee

*** *** ***

Carrie Black was surprised when she was woken up by a knock at her door in the middle of the afternoon. Most people knew that, since she kept her bar open most nights, she didn't like to be bothered during the day.
"Must be something important," she thought. "And if it isn't...well, there are plenty of places in the Canadian wilderness to hide the body..."

She got out of bed and slipped on her robe, going through all the possibilities in her mind of who it could be.

The one person she didn't expect to see there, however, was Jubilation Lee.

*** *** ***

Logan felt paralyzed. He could hardly breathe. She was gone. He couldn't think of anything else. Nothing else mattered. Jubilee was gone and she wasn't coming back.

She'd said in her letter that it wasn't because of him, but he couldn't accept that. It
was his fault that she left. He should've been there for her more, should've shown her that they could've made it no matter what anyone else said or thought.

But it was too late. He hadn't been able to keep her, just like he hadn't been able to keep any of the ones before her. Jean...Silver Fox...Mariko... They'd all left him in one way or another, and, in Logan's mind, it was always his fault. Jubilee had said in her letter that her leaving was for the best, and Logan knew she was right, although not for the reason she had stated.
"If she stayed, I only woulda hurt her in the end."

Logan heard the knock at his door but made no attempt to register what the sound meant. Nothing around him mattered. There was only the aching, the sense of something being broken deep inside.

"Logan?" Storm walked into the dark room. "Rogue and Gambit are leaving..." She stopped when she saw him, on his knees on the floor by the bed, clutching a piece of paper in his hand "Logan?! What is wrong?"

He looked up at her, and Storm could've sworn she saw the glint of tears in his eyes, although she told herself that could not be possible. "Jubilee..." Logan said, his every syllable creased with pain. "She's gone." He offered the letter up to Storm, and she took it from him.

"I am...sorry," Storm said after reading the letter. She didn't know how else to respond.

Logan nodded then took the letter back. Suddenly, he threw it to the ground. The paper smelled like Jubilee. He realized he could smell her everywhere in that room, and he had to get out. He forced his shaky legs to stand and pushed past Storm.

Jean was coming towards him down the hallway. For the first time in his life, the sight of her filled him with genuine anger. He grabbed her and pinned her against the wall, his claws just a few centimeters away from her neck. Jean was too stunned to make a move.

"How could ya do this to me, Jeannie?" he asked. "Wasn't it enough fer ya t'break my heart as many times as ya have without makin' me lose Jubilee, too?"

"Logan, I...I don't know what you're talking about."

"Like Hell ya don't, Red. Jubilee's
gone. She said she couldn't be with me when no one understands what we mean to each other." He pulled away from her and his claws went back into his hands. "I hope you're happy now. Ya got want ya wanted. Jubilee's left me an' I've finally given up completely. Ya won."

wasn't happy, and she definitely didn't feel like she'd won anything. She could sense the anguish rolling off Logan and it made her dizzy. She tried to cut her mind off from his as best she could as she realized what a part of her had known all along.

"You really do love her."

Logan looked at her in surprise. "Yeah, I do. She was everythin' I ever wanted, ever needed."

Jean wished she could make the sudden wave of guilt that crashed over her go away. "Logan, I'm..."

"Don't. There's nothin' you could say that would make this any better."

Logan walked away and Jean began to cry.

*** *** ***

"Jubilee?! What in the world are you doing here?" Carrie asked as she flung the door open all the way.

"I...I..." Jubilee stammered. "I'm sorry to bother you now, Carrie, really I am it's just..." Jubilee broke off in mid-sentence when started to cry.

"Oh, now don't cry," Carrie said as wrapped her arm around Jubilee and ushered her into the house. "Let's get you outta this cold. What somethin' to drink? Coffee maybe?"

"Coffee might be good," Jubilee. "You got any bourbon to put in it?"

Carrie laughed. "Sure thing."

Jubilee sat on the couch and Carrie fixed her drink. "You wanna tell me why you're here?" Carried asked as she came into the living room and handed Jubilee a mug.

Jubilee took a sip of the coffee. "I left Logan."

Carrie's jaw about hit the floor. "What?! But when you left here you guys were so happy!"

Jubilee started to cry again. "I know!"

Carrie took the coffee mug from Jubilee and put it on the table then sat down beside her on the couch. "Now don't start cryin' again!" Carrie said, unsure of what to do with Jubilee when she was in this state. Carrie gave her a tentative hug. "It's gonna be okay, really. Tell me what happened."

Jubilee collected herself enough to talk. "Y'know how I told you that Logan and I live with a bunch of other people?"

"Yeah, you said it was like Melrose Place・but worse."

"Exactly. Well, one of those other people is Jean."

"Ex-girlfriend Jean?"

"Ex-girlfriend Jean."

"Uh-oh. What did that hussy do?" Carrie narrowed her eyes. "Logan didn't..."

Jubilee shook her head. "Logan didn't do anything. I didn't leave because of him."

"Then why did you leave?"

"Because when we got back, a lot of people were against us being together. Jean was one of them."

"Of course
she was against it. Jealous skank."

Jubilee smiled slightly a little at Carrie's adamant dislike of a woman she'd never even met. "But Jean wasn't the one. Sure, she was the most vocal in her disapproval, but it was when I found out my friends had problems with it that it really started to effect me. And then I overheard a conversation between Jean and Kitty..."

"Who's Kitty?"

"Someone Logan's known for a while."

"She an ex, too?"

"No. She's just a bitch. I've never liked her much. Anyway, they had this conversation about how wrong my relationship with Logan was and how I couldn't see that because I was nothing but a naïve child. Listening to them talk, I knew I couldn't take it anymore."

"Why didn't you just come up here with Logan? There's no one here who would treat you guys like that. And you seemed so happy living up here..." Carrie said.

were happy living up here." Jubilee cradled her head in her hands. "But it was wrong. It was all wrong..."

"How was it wrong?" Carried asked. "The two of you had what people search their whole lifetimes for. Heck, I'm thirty-seven, and I certainly haven't found anything anywhere near to that. How could anything that deep be wrong?"

"I don't know, Carrie, it just is!" Jubilee replied. "Logan and I, we're just not meant to be. I have to accept that. I can't keep tricking myself into believing I've finally gotten the love of the man of my dreams. Eventually, things would've gone south no matter what, and it wouldn't have been good. I realized that when I heard Jean and Kitty. So I had to leave, Carrie. I had to leave before I was in too deep. Don't you understand?" She took another sip of the coffee. "I thought you said you had bourbon."

"Yeah, I'll get you some," Carrie said. As she walked into the kitchen, all she could think of was Jubilee's words・"Before I was in too deep." Carrie shook her head as she got down the bourbon. "Girl," she muttered low enough that Jubilee couldn't hear, "You're already in way past deep."

*** *** ***

Logan went downstairs and found Remy and Rogue preparing to leave. "Logan!" Rogue shouted. "We've been lookin' for ya."

Logan nodded. "Yeah. Good luck an' all that for the both of ya."

"Logan, what's wrong?" Gambit asked. "Where's de petite?"

"Jubilee ain't here."

"Well, where is she?" Rogue asked.

"I don't know."


Wolverine cut her off. "I'm sure wherever she is, she wants the best for ya, too." He walked off.

Rogue started to go after him, but Remy stopped her. "Don't, Chére. Logan's not gonna be in de mood t'hear it now."

Rogue nodded, knowing he was right. Besides, they had a plane to catch. "You think he's gonna be all right, Remy?"

"Dat's a strong man, dere, Rogue. He'll get t'rough it, de same way he got t'rough everyt'ing else in his life."

"I hope you're right." She smiled at him. "Remy, now that we're married there's somethin' I should tell ya."

Gambit smiled as she leaned over and whispered something in his ear. "So dat's your name, Chére? All dis time I t'ought it must be somet'in' like
Eugenia to keep ya from tellin' anybody. But, non・it's pretty, Rogue."

"Thanks, Remy. But ya call me that in public, and I kill ya, got it?"

Remy laughed. "I got it, Chére. Or maybe I should call ya..."

Rogue slapped her hand over his mouth. "Don't ya listen to a word I say, Swamp Rat?"

Gambit kissed the inside of Rogue's hand and she blushed and pulled it away. "Sure I do," he said, "but right now, we got a honeymoon t'get to."

*** *** ***

Wolverine sat alone in the woods surrounding the mansion, smoking a cigar. He didn't know where to go. He couldn't go back inside・memories of Jubilee were everywhere and her scent still lingered. Normally the only thing for him to do would be to run, but at the moment, Logan couldn't think of a place to go. He couldn't go to Canada・after their time together there, Wolverine had started associating the whole country with Jubilee. He thought about Madripoor, but he knew it held nothing for him. A few fights and a roll in the hay with a woman like Tyger Tiger wasn't going to do much for the pain inside him now.

And then there was that little voice in the back of his head that kept saying maybe Jubilee would come back. Maybe she just needed to calm down and then she'd come back to him. Logan felt a faint glimmer of hope inside of him. There was always that chance that she wasn't gone for good. After all,
he left the mansion all the time and he always came back. Jubilee would come back to. She had to.

Logan decided that even someone as old and jaded as he was could have hope. He'd give her time. Jubilee would come home.

She'd come back to him.

*** *** ***

Wolverine had never been a patient man. Jubilee was gone for only a couple of days before he lost whatever he had left of his ability to wait. He started hiding out in his room during the day and drowning his sorrows at the Auger Inn at night. The mansion's other occupants had given up on conversation with him for the most part, after discovering the only answers he'd supply were a growl or a grunt.

After a week, he couldn't stay in the mansion anymore. He was trapped, every wall becoming like the bars of a cage. So he did what he'd done every time before when things had begun to be too much for him. He ran. He was hoping he wouldn't see anyone when he left. He just wanted to leave and find some place where he could lick his wounds until he remembered how to stop feeling.

He wasn't that lucky.


"Flamin' Hell," Wolverine muttered under his breath. He should've been paying more attention. He should've
smelled her coming. He should've been able to get away before she had the chance to speak to him. Maybe if he didn't turn around to look at her she'd go away.

"Logan." Her voice was louder this time. She wasn't leaving.

He turned around slowly, reluctantly. He didn't say anything, hoping eye contact would be acknowledging her presence enough.

"You're leaving."

"Yeah, Jeannie, I am."

"I didn't mean to chase you off again, Logan."

"You didn't."

"I did. I made Jubilee leave and well, now, you're leaving, too." She looked down at the ground, Logan's eyes too intense for her to continue holding his gaze.

"Get outta here, Jean. Things are bad enough for me right now without you throwing one of yer fits on me."

"I don't want you to leave," Jean told him, ignoring what he had just said. "It hurts me every time you walk out that door."

"Yeah, well, it hurt me to come back to find you with Scott in the bed that was supposed to be ours."

Jean started to cry. "Why can't you understand why I did what I did?" she asked. "Scott・my
husband・had been dead to me for five years, Logan. When he came back, I...I couldn't push him away. I love you, but Scott..."

Logan cut her off, surprised that hearing Jean talk about Scott that way could hit a nerve he thought was dead. "Jean, I don't wanna hear about how you're mother told ya there was the 'One' fer everyone and Scott's it fer you. You've given my that crap enough in the past. I'm over what I felt fer ya and I don't want to listen to your flamin' excuses about why things have t'be a certain way. I got my own reasons t'stay away from ya, Darlin'・you don't need to make them up fer me."

"That isn't it, Logan. I love Scott, but for so many years I've been torn between the two of you. It was hard when I didn't know what it was like to be with you, but now, it's unbearable. I want you, and I know I can't have you," Jean explained. "I guess that's why I treated Jubilation the way I did. She had what I couldn't have."

"If you still want me, Jean, that's all the more reason fer me t'get outta your hair. Give ya some space so ya can be happy with Scott."

Jean looked up, her eyes full of tears. "No! Don't leave, please don't leave. Even if I can't be with you, I don't want you gone from me completely. I need you near me, Logan!"

"Jeannie, I'm not..."

Jean silenced him by flinging herself on him, kissing him with all the passion she could muster. Wolverine's instincts took over, and he crushed her to him, eagerly matching her fierceness in the embrace.

A moment later, Jean pulled away, flushed and breathless. Logan looked down at her and realized how easy it would be for him to just carry her up to his bed in an attempt to ruin her marriage and reclaim what had once been his. But the prospect seemed hollow to him. Jean had controlled him for so long, her mind games and tugs at the strings she tied to his emotions kept him running back to her no matter how many times she'd scorned him. He wouldn't let her this time. He'd worked too hard to put Jean Grey behind him to just let her pull him back into her folds again.

He gave her one last glance before walking out the door.

*** *** ***

"Jubilee, really, you should leave the house once in a while."

"And go where?" Jubilee asked, never once tearing her eyes away from the
Jerry Springer re-run she was watching. "To your bar? No offense, Carrie, but I don't think I could exactly handle that place right now."

"No, but there are other place we could go. We could drive into Edmonton and go shopping..."

"I don't want to shop."

Carrie jaw dropped and she wondered if maybe the world was about to come to an end. "Okay, now I know you need some fresh air. You're starting to get delirious. Jubilation Lee doesn't want to shop. Isn't even possible."

"Carrie, if I'm starting to be a burden on you..."

Carrie sat down on the couch beside Jubilee. "No, you're not a burden. I like having you around actually. You're probably the only truly close female friend I've ever had. But, well, I worry about you. Ever since you split with Logan you haven't been acting like yourself. You've been here almost two weeks, and I don't think I've seen you smile more than once or twice."

"Being forced to give up the person who means more to you that anything else in the world doesn't exactly leave you with a cheery disposition."


"I'm going to be all right. It's just...part of the mending process."

"Doesn't look like you're doing much mending to me," Carrie said. "Looks more like you're tearing yourself more and more apart."

"It could be worse." Jubilee pointed to the television. "I could be on

Carrie laughed. "Good point."

She decided to leave Jubilee alone・at least for the time being.

*** *** ***

Jubilee had a hard time sleeping that night. Her dreams were a collage of all the memories she'd made with Logan, from their start as friends and teammates to their all-too-brief time as lovers.

Then her dreams took a decidedly different turn. She was standing in an somewhere that she knew she'd never been before. It appeared to be backstage somewhere. Someone she didn't know was fitting her with a microphone and then a voice that Jubilee found familiar but that she couldn't quite place called her name. The man putting on her microphone finished his job then gave her a light push, sending her towards a stage.

She stepped out, shielding her eyes from blinding lights. She looked up and realized she was in front of an audience. She looked around a little more and realized just what the audience was there for.

Jubilee sighed.
"I'm on the friggin' Jerry Springer Show," she thought. She wished more than anything she had just stayed away from the television that day and kept this particular seed of an idea from being planted in her mind. She tried to mutter a curse.


Jubilee was startled. Had she just beeped? This wasn't real. It was a dream. A freaky dream, but a dream nonetheless. She could wake up.
"Okay, Jubilee, time to wake up," she told herself.

Nothing. She was still standing on the stage of the Jerry Springer with hundreds of eyes staring at her, craving entertainment.
"Reminds me of the Mojoverse," she thought with a shudder.

She tried again to wake herself up, but to no avail. She sighed and resigned herself to her fate. After all, how bad could a dream like this be? She walked over to one of the chairs and sat down. Jerry looked at her, his face serious. He glanced at one of the cards in his hands. "Now, Jubilee, it says here that you recently broke up with your boyfriend Logan. Is that right?"

"Uh, yeah, it is."

"And part of the main reason for the break-up was his ex-girlfriend, Jean Grey-Summers?"

"Uh, yeah."

"And what would you like to tell Logan today?"

"I, um, well..."

"That's great," Jerry said. "Logan, come on out here."

Logan stepped on to the stage and the crowd cheered. He sat down beside Jubilee and looked generally unhappy to be where he was. He gave Jubilee a terse nod.

"Now, Logan," Jerry began. "Jubilee says your past relationship with Jean is affecting what you have with Jubilee now."

"Jubilee walked out on me, Jerry," Logan said. "There ain't a relationship between us anymore. And I'm here t'tell her I'm back with Jean now."

The audience booed.

Jubilee buried her face in her hands. This was turning into a genuine nightmare. *Bleep* She sighed.

Jerry gave his befuddled/disapproving look as he glanced at his card again. "Now it says here that Jean's a married woman. Didn't that cause some sort of problem between the two of you?"

Logan shook his head. "Nope. Once Jubilee was outta the way, Jeannie an' I couldn't keep our hands off each other." He smiled

More booing from the audience.

"Well, let's bring Jean out here then," Jerry said. "Jean?"

Jubilee looked up as Jean sauntered on to the stage. She was wearing a black leather miniskirt, a red midriff halter top, and six-inch spiked heels. The audience began to chant "Ho, Ho." Jean walked over to Logan, bent over, and kissed him before taking her own seat. She reached over and took his hand in hers.

Jubilee groaned. She wanted to wake up. This was torture. *Bleep* She felt her frustration mount. "Why can't I just *bleep*'in say *bleep*?" she yelled. Nobody paid her any attention.

"Jean, tell me about your relationship with Logan," Jerry said.

"Well, we've known each other for years, and he's always been desperately attracted to me," Jean said. "There was always the problem of Scott, of course, but in the end I just couldn't keep myself away from Logan." She sighed. "He's just so...masculine. Much too much of a man for that little girl to keep happy," she said, nodding her head towards Jubilee.

Jubilee jumped out of her seat. "Now wait just a minute!" she yelled. "Logan and I were in love!"

"That's what you think, Kid. As soon as ya left I realized what a mistake datin' ya was. You'd never be able to be real competition for a woman like Jeannie."

Jubilee tried to cover her ears, not wanting to listen. This was just a dream. Logan would never really say that. Even though she had left him, it wasn't because he felt like that. This wasn't real...

"Now we have one more surprise guest," Jerry said, drawing the attention back on himself. "Please welcome Brian・the man who jilted the
loser Jubilee・to the show!"

Jubilee wanted to scream. Somehow, it had gotten worse. Her former fiancé walked onto the stage and over to Logan, shaking his hand. The two smiled at each other like old friends and began to joke between themselves about what a terrible girlfriend Jubilee was.

"Stop it!" Jubilee yelled. "I wasn't bad to either one of you! And I'm not a loser!"

"Let's ask the audience what they think about that," Jerry said, moving back into the crowd. A woman stood up and Jubilee recognized her immediately. Christine・the girl Brian had left her for.

"Uh, yeah, I'd just like to tell the girl with the stripper-sounding name down there..." Christine began.

"Jubilee," Jerry supplied for her.

"Yeah, whatever. I just want to say I know for a fact that she can't keep her man happy, and I don't blame Logan one bit for leaving her scrawny ass."

Christine sat down and Jerry moved to someone else. The new person stood, and Jubilee groaned. Monet St.Croix.

"Yes, I would just like to say that I agree with the last woman who spoke," Monet said. "Jubilee is most definitely incompetent and incapable of even keeping a man・even one as
simple as Logan・satisfied. I'm sure she remembers how terrible she botched her relationship with Everett Thomas..."

"I didn't botch it with Everett!" Jubilee yelled. "I didn't botch it with any of these guys! I'm not the same person I used to be! I've grown up!"

"Face it Jubilee," Jean said. "You'll always be nothing but a hyperactive mall rat who had to be sent away to Massachusetts because she couldn't cut it on the
real X-Men."

Jubilee had had enough. This wasn't real・what was wrong with her taking out a little bit of her aggression? She grabbed a chair and ran towards Jean, hitting her with all her strength. Jean screamed and Logan jumped up to help her. Jubilee smacked him with the chair, too.

The security guards were heading towards her when she woke up.

*** *** ***

"What exactly did you eat before you went to bed?" Carrie asked after Jubilee told her her dream.

"I don't know, but I'm trying to remember so I can avoid it in the future," Jubilee said.

"Do you really think Logan's gotten back with Jean?" Carrie asked.

"I don't know, though I doubt it," Jubilee said. "She's always been committed to Scott. When I was there last they were even talking about finally having kids."

"You know, I never realized how insecure you are," Carrie commented.

Jubilee looked surprised. "Insecure?
Me? How so?"

"Well, in the dream, people kept telling you how you were incapable of keeping a good relationship, of making anybody happy. Sounds like insecurity."

"It's more than that," Jubilee said. "I have plenty of reasons to be relationship shy. Every one that I've ever tried has ended badly."

"Jubilee, almost everyone has had nothing but a string of failed relationships by the time they're your age. I mean think about it, very few people marry the first person they fall in love with. What about before they meet the person they can actually spend the rest of their lives with? You think just because they're happy and in a stable relationship in the end that they always were to begin with?"

"I don't know," Jubilee said. "It just seems like with me, it's always the same reason why I lose people. I can't get a guy to see I'm more than bouncy, happy-go-lucky Jubilee."

"I think Logan saw more to you than that."

Jubilee looked down at her hands and said softly. "I think he did, too."

"Then what's the problem?" Carrie asked. "He's what you've always wanted, and he loves you right back. You two made each other happy. What more do you need?"


"From who?"

"Everybody!" Jubilee said. "My friends..."

"Your friends? You mean the people back home? Jubilee, if they don't see the love you and Logan feel for each other and how happy it makes the two of you, well, they're not your friends. Friends wouldn't try to pull you apart from someone that makes you feel the way Logan does. I mean if Logan was abusive or something then, yeah, I could understand their concern, but in this situation... Jubilee, you need to be stronger than that. Just tell 'em all to piss off, realize you're an adult now, and let you live your own damn life."

Jubilee smiled a little. "I wish it was that easy. But these people, well, they're important to me, and all I've ever wanted from any of them was to be truly accepted. They're kind of this little group, and while I was technically a part of it, I was always an outsider as well. They sent me away when I was about fourteen. They said it was so I could go to a real school and be with people my own age, but once I was gone they certainly didn't make a big effort to come and visit and see how I was doing or anything.

"And even at school, I had a hard time really fitting in. I mean, I made friendships with the other students, and I even dated one of them, but I always had this persona, was always presenting myself as someone other than I am. I hid any kind of deep emotions or feelings I had with a sarcastic comment and some fashion advice. I rarely let anyone know what was important to me. Except when it came to Wolverine. Everybody knew how much I cared for Logan, yet, they based the depth of those emotions on all they'd ever seen of me・a reckless kid who wouldn't know responsibility if it came up and bit her on her designer jeans wearing ass.

"So when I left and went away to college, it was my chance to put everything past me. No one knew me there. I could be who I really was. And then I had my life with Brian, which made me think I was always going to have what I had then. I was finally an adult, and no one would ever see me as just a kid again. But then Brian left me, and I didn't have anywhere to go but back home. For a while it was good. I mean they seemed to have finally let me in, and they treated me like a woman, not a little girl, respected the fact I could make my own decisions and that I was anything but naïve.

"But then Logan came back, and things changed. As soon as I got with him, well, some of them decided it was just a throwback from my younger days, and that my feelings for him had to be akin to those they decided I felt way back when. And Jean, she couldn't accept who I had become, couldn't just let me be an adult."

"Why does what Jean thinks about you matter to you so much?" Carrie asked. "I mean, from what you've told me about her, I wouldn't put a very high value on her opinion."

"Jean, well, Jean's sort of like the mother out of all of us," Jubilee said. "She was the only woman around there for a while, and she tended to try to take care of everyone else. And when I was there the first time, she became almost a surrogate mother to me. I'd lost my real parents, and I guess I hoped Jean could help fill some of that void. People always thought I was trying to do that with Logan, but I wasn't really. When Jean let me go to Massachusetts and then didn't exactly make any effort to keep herself in my life, well, I felt rejected. Now here she is, years later, doing it to me all over again."

"Jubilee, you've got to realize something," Carrie said. "Jean knows you're a woman, no matter what she says. If she didn't, she wouldn't be so damn jealous of what you have with Logan. Jean doesn't sound at all like the type of person to feel threatened by a little girl."

Jubilee frowned. What Carrie said made sense. "You've got a point there."

"So go back to Logan. Tell Jean to go take a long walk off a short pier, and move on with your life. You say you don't want to be the girl you used to be, but you still feel you need the validation you craved then. You don't, Jubilee. And you're by no means some fashion obsessed, gum popping teenager. You're got a degree in physics for cryin' out loud. How many kids do you know who can calculate the mass of an atom in their heads?"

Jubilee chuckled. "Not many."

"See? You're a beautiful, intelligent woman. And, for the past you've described to me, you're amazingly well-adjusted. You're better than Jean. Don't let that bitch get to you. Go back to Logan. You two belong together."

"I don't know, Carrie. I mean, I want to be with Logan, but I'm just not sure if I'm strong enough to deal with all that comes with it."

Carrie gave an exasperated sigh. "Have you not been listening to a word I've said?"

"I have, there are just so many issues here. I mean, what if Jean was right when she said that nothing could ever work between Wolverine and me? She said everyday was a struggle for her when she was with him. What if it would get that way for me, too?"

"Did you ever have to struggle to get through the day with Logan?" Carrie asked.

"Not until I went back there."

"Then it sounds to me like Jean's the weakling that can't handle him."

Jubilee snickered. "Maybe..."

"At least call him, Jubilee. You guys can work this out."

"I just...I just need to think." She stood up. "I'm going to go lay down for a bit. I didn't get much rest last night, what with the attack of the killer talk shows and all."

"All right, Jubes. Let me know if you need anything."

Jubilee nodded. "I will."

*** *** ***

Logan had left the mansion, but he didn't know where to go. His initial urge was to go back to Alberta and see Carrie and ask if she'd heard anything from Jubilee, but he decided against it. If she hadn't seen her, Logan would be stuck there with all his memories. And if she had, well, Logan figured if Jubilee wanted to see him she would've come back.

So he checked into some run down motel in the worst part of town he could find and decided to just hide out there for a while and see if he could just go numb again.

He hated the silence though. His mind seemed to find the need to fill it with the memory of Jubilee's voice. He'd stopped sleeping. He couldn't take the pain of dreaming she was in his arms and waking up alone. Instead he'd just sit there, drinking until his healing factor couldn't keep up.

He knew he'd get over it eventually. After all, he'd survived the deaths of both Mariko and Silver Fox. He'd gotten over Jean. He'd move past Jubilee eventually.

Wolverine kept telling himself he could do the impossible.

*** *** ***

I took my love, I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
'Til the landslide brought it down
Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail thru the changin' ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

I don't know.....

Carrie walked past the room Jubilee was staying in and heard the faint sound of music mixed with soft tears. She didn't understand why Jubilee was putting herself through so much unnecessary pain. Carrie knew Jubilee could work things out with Logan, if only she'd go to him and give him the chance to prove to her that everything was fine. Carrie had been friends with Logan for a long time, and granted, there was a lot about him she didn't know, but she
did know what kind of person he was. Even if she didn't have any details, Carrie could tell Logan was  a man with a shady past, but she could also tell he was a man who didn't take his emotions lightly. If he let someone in the way he had with Jubilee, that was something almost sacred to him, something he wouldn't turn his back on.

Carrie had also figured out that Jubilee and Logan were two of the most stubborn people in the world. If they were ever going to work things out, someone was going to have to give them a push in that direction.

Jubilee's purse was on the table, and Carrie glanced back towards the room to make sure Jubilee was still in there. She took out Jubilee's cell phone and looked through the directory. Carrie smiled as a number popped up with the heading "Xavier's." That was the name of the place Jubilee had said she and Logan lived. Maybe Carrie could find Logan and talk him into coming up there if she couldn't convince Jubilee to go to New York.

Carrie wrote down the number then went to make a phone call.

Well, I've been afraid of changin'
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I'm getting older too
Oh, take my love, take it down
Climb a mountain and turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide will bring it down
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide will bring it down
The landslide will bring it down

*** *** ***

"Xavier Institute, Jean Summers speaking."

Carrie cursed her rotten luck at the sound of Jean's voice. "Uh, yeah, is Logan there?"

"I'm afraid Logan's not here right now. May I take a message?"

Carrie really didn't want to talk to Jean. Somehow she figured the woman wouldn't be too incredibly helpful. "When do you expect him back?" she asked.

"I'm really not sure," Jean said. "Who is this?"

"A friend of his. Is anybody there besides
you to take my message?"

"I don't even know who you are," Jean said, her tone annoyed. "Why don't you just give me your name and I'll tell Logan to call you when he gets back."

"Where is he, Jean?"

"I'm not going to tell you that. I don't even know you."

Carrie sighed. "My name's Carrie Black. I'm an old friend of Logan's. Look, I really need to find him. If you could just tell me where he is..."

"I don't know where he is."

Realization hit Carrie, and she wanted to magically teleport to wherever Logan was and throttle him. "He ran off again, didn't he."

"Yes. do you know Logan?"

"I'm not some woman he used to screw if that's what you're thinkin'. You didn't have anything to do with his leaving, did you? 'Cause if you did, I swear..."

"I didn't make Logan leave this time," Jean said. "It was someone else."

"I know," Carrie said. "Jubilee."

"Is Jubilee why you're calling?"

"Look, Jean, from what I've heard about you, I don't particularly like you," Carrie said. "I'd much rather talk to someone else."

"There's no one else available at the moment."

Carrie had a feeling Jean was lying, but knew that the redhead wasn't about to give the phone to anyone else either. "Yeah, I'm calling about Jubilee," she said. "She's miserable because you made her feel like she had to leave the only person who's ever made her truly happy, you selfish little bitch."

"Excuse me, but I don't think..."

"No need to state the obvious, Honey. It's pretty clear you don't think much," Carrie snapped. "Look, if Logan decides to drag his sorry ass back to wherever the hell it is you people live just tell him he better get back to Alberta before I track him down and bring him here myself." Carrie hung up the phone before Jean could respond.

Back in Westchester, Jean stared at the receiver, barely even registering the dial tone she was now hearing. What was Jubilee doing in Alberta and who was Carrie Black? Did Jubilee really want Logan to go up there looking for her?

Jean finally hung up the phone and sat down on the couch. She knew what she had to do.

*** *** ***

The last thing Wolverine expected to hear was a knock on the door. He extended his claws, knowing that in this neighborhood it was best to be prepared. He got to the door and caught the familiar scent on the other side. He didn't pull his claws back in.

He flung the door open and glared at the woman in front of him.

"What the hell are ya doin' here, Jeannie?"

*** *** ***

Yes, I like cliffhangers. Again, I apologize for the length between this chapter and the last. I'm so bad and updating... Anyway, leave me lots of feedback and I'll try to get part seven done. Hope you liked it!