by Jane Westin

Disclaimer: The usual¡¦none of the characters are mine. Additionally, the last few lines are taken from the X-Men comic (Logan¡¦s conversation with Rose). To all the MLA fans out there: I know I don¡¦t have quotation marks around them. But I¡¦m not plagiarizing. Please don¡¦t flunk me J

Author¡¦s Notes: Sorry this has taken so long, folks¡¦I¡¦ve been phenomenally busy with moving and school so it might not live up to your expectations <sniffle>. I¡¦ll do my best to get the next one up in a jiffy (and hopefully resolve this whole situation, ¡¦cause I want to move on <g>). Also, I overused the apostrophe. I¡¦m very sorry. I got a little carried away.

I think one of the curses of bein¡¦ human is the ability to remember with painful lucidity.

I know that for the rest of my life, I¡¦ll remember the night I broke Marie¡¦s heart. I know I¡¦ll never forget the look of wide-eyed hope on her face when she told me she loved me. I¡¦ll never forget how that expression crumbled into one of shattered heartbreak when I told her it wasn¡¦t mutual.

Should have just kept my flamin¡¦ mouth shut. 

I don¡¦t think Marie¡¦s ever reacted that violently to anything. She fell completely to pieces, an¡¦ I had to push her off me. Had to shove her away, hold her down, when I¡¦d sworn to myself long ago that I¡¦d never hurt her. She¡¦d slapped me, an¡¦ it hurt my heart more than it did my face.

I remember the last words she said to me; don¡¦t think I¡¦ll ever forget ¡¦em, ¡¦cause they tore me all up inside.

¡¦You said you¡¦d protect me.¡¦

The last thing I saw as I backed out the door was my dog tag, lying in a puddle of silver chain on the carpet.

I don¡¦t know how it happened, but next thing I know I¡¦m raiding Baldy¡¦s liquor stash. I grab the biggest bottle of Jack Daniels in the cabinet and go right to work. Don¡¦t even bother with a shotglass. Damn healing factor won¡¦t even let me get drunk without a lot of effort.

I wander up to the roof. Marie an¡¦ I used to sit up here on warm nights an¡¦ talk¡¦not about anything in particular, just chitchat. Those were the days when she still told me about everything goin¡¦ on in her life, before she started clammin¡¦ up on me an¡¦ runnin¡¦ away whenever I came back. Even as early as six months after Storm an¡¦ Cyke brought us back to this goddamn hole, she was gettin¡¦ weird¡¦lookin¡¦ at me sideways all the time, gettin¡¦ all stuttery when I talked to her, then finally disappearin¡¦ altogether whenever I showed up at the Mansion. For the better part of a year and half she¡¦s actin¡¦ like she don¡¦t want me around at all, then she goes and tells me she loves me an¡¦s surprised when I tell her it ain¡¦t like that. Confuses the hell outta me. I wonder if it¡¦s some teenage thing. I don¡¦t remember ever actin¡¦ like that, but then, I don¡¦t remember bein¡¦ a teenager.

Her last words to me are repeatin¡¦ themselves over and over in my head, an¡¦ the whisky ain¡¦t doin¡¦ a damn thing to quiet them. I was tryin¡¦ to protect her, after all¡¦even if I did feel that way about her, bein¡¦ with me would only hurt her more. She means the flamin¡¦ world to me, has since I first laid eyes on her, but she¡¦s too good for me. She¡¦s like some kinda angel, with those big eyes and that sweet smile.

I think back to the night in Laughlin City. I hadn¡¦t been able to see her from the cage, but I¡¦d smelled a scent that didn¡¦t belong in such a place. I¡¦d used it to track her down after the fight; turned out that was easier than I¡¦d thought. She¡¦d been sittin¡¦ at the bar, all huddled under this big green hooded thing, lookin¡¦ for all the world like a lost little girl. She didn¡¦t belong in that bar¡¦she belonged in some warm home with a mother an¡¦ a father and maybe a little brother an¡¦ a pet dog.

I¡¦d sat down a few feet away an¡¦ snuck a glance at her when I ordered a drink. Bein¡¦ on her own had made a skinny little wraith outta her, but she was still abso-flamin¡¦-lutely breathtaking. Not beautiful by the traditional definition of the word, but with that kind of striking timidity that makes you want to stare. She reminded me of a deer or somethin¡¦¡¦scared and skittish but with a sort of ironclad determination. She¡¦d been starin¡¦ at me with those brown eyes every time I looked at her, which I guess was why she noticed the knife before I did.

I regretted leavin¡¦ her there with all those predators, but I knew she¡¦d be better off there than she would with, say, me.

¡¦Course, if I¡¦d known she¡¦d hitch a ride in my trailer, I wouldn¡¦t have bothered worryin¡¦.

Jeannie¡¦d asked me later why I¡¦d left her on the side of the road like I did¡¦like what kinda heartless bastard would just dump a kid in the middle¡¦a nowhere in the flamin¡¦ snow. She didn¡¦t say it like that, of course¡¦Jeannie¡¦s too refined for ¡¦that sort of language.¡¦ There was definitely some implied profanity in the question, though; her tone coulda put Popsicle Boy to shame.

I didn¡¦t kick her outta the trailer because I¡¦m a heartless bastard. I did it for her own good. It don¡¦t make a whole lotta sense, but it seemed right to me then and it still sorta seems right to me now. I knew right off the bat I couldn¡¦t touch her, an¡¦ I don¡¦t mean that in just the literal sense. Even eight months on the road hadn¡¦t touched the little-girl innocence in her eyes, an¡¦ I knew that gettin¡¦ tangled up with me was probably her worst move. I¡¦m not exactly a positive influence. The last thing I wanted to do was corrupt the kid.

But those pleadin¡¦ eyes wouldn¡¦t leave me be as I pulled away, so against my better judgment I stopped the damn camper and waited.

¡¦Course, it went downhill from there. For some reason that don¡¦t make a bit of sense, Marie formed this weird attachment to me. Dunno why¡¦I don¡¦t deserve the hero-worshiping looks she keeps aimin¡¦ my way, not even after I healed her up on the Statue of Liberty. But she kept taggin¡¦ along, smilin¡¦ up at me with that little angel face. An¡¦ I, badass that I am, started feelin¡¦ a little pull of affection toward her. Started to feel like she was a kid sister, or somethin¡¦¡¦an¡¦ suddenly keepin¡¦ her safe became the most important item on my Marie agenda.

For a while, everything was hunky-dory. I left the mansion, my dog tag, and Marie; when I came back, everything seemed normal. I talked to Marie almost every day¡¦she¡¦d tell me about school, her roommates, her crush on this kid Bobby who could freeze himself. I wasn¡¦t too keen on little Marie havin¡¦ a love life¡¦I did promise to protect her, an¡¦ I definitely felt that the attentions of little hormone factories like Bobby warranted protection. But she assured me that it was perfectly innocent, so okay, everything was still hunky-dory.

My second week back I met Jubilation Lee.

Kid wasn¡¦t like anyone I¡¦ve ever met in my life. Loud, obnoxious, up to her ears in attitude, an¡¦ for some reason never without these big ugly sunglasses propped up on her head. Just a year older than Marie an¡¦ had already gone through more shit than half the people in the Mansion, X-Men included. Yet she was somehow always smilin¡¦.

Needless to say, she annoyed the hell outta me.

I take another deep swig of whisky and reminisce.  

***

I saunter into the gym in the basement of the Mansion, planning on liftin¡¦ weights. Can¡¦t keep up the whole badass image with a gut, not that the ol¡¦ healing factor would ever let me have a gut. Still, though, can¡¦t let all those new machines go to waste.

I¡¦m two steps in the door when I see the girl on the mat.

She¡¦s spinnin¡¦ by in a blur of kicks an¡¦ punches an¡¦ these quick sideways maneuvers. Looks like some kinda bizarre combination of martial arts and gymnastics. I¡¦m impressed¡¦not too many people can move that fast. I squint, tryin¡¦ to see a few details in between techniques.

I make out slender arms an¡¦ legs whirlin¡¦ every which way, muscles rippling under a yellow bodysuit. Her hair¡¦s dark an¡¦ short, flyin¡¦ all over the place as she careens across the mat. Somehow, though, she never seems to lose control of her actions, an¡¦ that impresses me, too. I watch her for a while, decidin¡¦ at last that she¡¦d be a pretty good fighter in hand-to-hand. Wonder if Wheels is considerin¡¦ her for the team.

I turn to go, figurin¡¦ I¡¦ll leave her be and lift weights later, when I hear her stop moving and yell. ¡¦Hey!¡¦

I turn around. Great. I get to make a new friend. How flamin¡¦ great.

I give her the one-eyebrow stare, but she doesn¡¦t appear to be intimidated. Matter of fact, she runs right over, little feet slappin¡¦ the mat as she screeches to a halt just before crashin¡¦ right into me. Up close, I see she¡¦s maybe a year or two older than Marie. She¡¦s lithe an¡¦ little, an¡¦ pretty to boot¡¦Asian, with bright blue eyes an¡¦ cheeks flushed pink from her workout. The eyes are a little unnerving: blue¡¦s the last color you¡¦d expect to see on her, but they give her character. She¡¦s got a cute chin, too¡¦this I only notice ¡¦cause it¡¦s juttin¡¦ out aggressively. She¡¦s standin¡¦ on her tiptoes, right up in my face.

¡¦You¡¦re that Wolverine guy, aren¡¦t you,¡¦ she says loudly, an¡¦ I take a step back¡¦see, that¡¦s how it started, gettin¡¦ me to back down right off the bat.

¡¦Yeah,¡¦ I grunt, now only wantin¡¦ her to leave me the hell alone. I hope she gets the hint.

She doesn¡¦t. ¡¦Jubilation Lee,¡¦ she announces, as if it were some kinda privilege for me to know her name. She don¡¦t even offer her hand; instead, she backs up a little and looks me up and down, her narrowed eyes appraising. After a moment, she speaks again, an¡¦ this time there¡¦s a definite challenge in her voice.

¡¦You fight?¡¦ she asks.

My jaw about falls on the floor. Fight a woman¡¦a girl? Christ, I¡¦d kill her. ¡¦Not you,¡¦ I answer tersely.

¡¦C¡¦mon.¡¦ She pokes at my arm. My God, she¡¦s annoying.

¡¦No.¡¦ I try to turn and leave, but she seizes my arm.

¡¦C¡¦mon, puh-leeeeeeeeeaze, there¡¦s no one to fight with, and I¡¦m so bored.¡¦

She talks like a flamin¡¦ Valley Girl. Argh. ¡¦I said no,¡¦ I growl, wrenchin¡¦ my arm away and glarin¡¦ at her. I refuse to fight a kid I¡¦ve got at least seven inches and a hundred pounds on.

But she keeps on cajolin¡¦ an¡¦ tauntin¡¦ an¡¦ jabbin¡¦ until at last I relent, if only to get her to shut the hell up. And damn if she don¡¦t give me a run for my money. She¡¦s even faster in hand-to-hand combat than she was on the mat goin¡¦ solo¡¦her agility beats mine ten to one. She puts up a helluva fight, but I pin her in the end. I grin down at her.

¡¦Not bad, kid,¡¦ I say, and I feel a grudging sort of respect for the kid. She ain¡¦t no shrinkin¡¦ violet, that¡¦s for sure.

¡¦Not bad yourself, Wolvie,¡¦ she replies. She gives me a neat little smile, wriggles out from under me, an¡¦ before I can even react to the nickname, she¡¦s gone.

***

I sigh an¡¦ roll the whisky bottle between my hands. ¡¦Wolvie,¡¦ I mutter to myself. She¡¦s been callin¡¦ me that for nearly two years an¡¦ it still makes me wince. Hard to be a badass when you¡¦ve got a cute little Asian chick hangin¡¦ all over you an¡¦ callin¡¦ you some pansy nickname.

¡¦Course, she hasn¡¦t been hangin¡¦ on me at all today, ¡¦cause ever since I danced with her at the Shack, things have gotten weird.

Jubilation¡¦s always had a way of gettin¡¦ me to do things I wouldn¡¦t normally do. Like fight a girl, for instance. She¡¦s got this¡¦I don¡¦t know what it is, but I¡¦ve never been able to tell her no. I¡¦ve taken her to the movies, for rides on Scooter¡¦s bike, even to the flamin¡¦ mall, all because she has this thing about gettin¡¦ me to do what she wants. Hell, I¡¦ve taken her to the bar with me on more than one occasion. An¡¦ she¡¦s the same way about talkin¡¦¡¦the reason she and I¡¦ve gotten so close is because she don¡¦t let me alone until I talk to her. She gets me to tell her things I won¡¦t tell anyone else. An¡¦ I trust her, because despite the fact that she talks nonstop, I know she wouldn¡¦t breathe so much as a word of what I tell her. Guess that¡¦s why I got used to her after a while, then started to like her, then maybe even started lovin¡¦ her a little. Good old Jubes, teammate and friend, always there for me, even when I failed her. Which has happened more than once. But all that good-buddy shit changed the weekend her classes ended.

***

Gettig¡¦ boring, Logan¡¦home on a Saturday night, I think to myself, heading for the couch. I¡¦m about to set these adamantium bones down on the worn cushions when I notice that the couch is already occupied. One Jubilation Lee is sprawled out on it, apparently asleep.

¡¦Hi, kid.¡¦

She rolls over, blue eyes crackin¡¦ open in a glare. ¡¦Dammit, Logan!¡¦

Ah, she¡¦s pissed. ¡¦Where is everybody?¡¦ I ask, sitting down by her head.

She puts an arm over her eyes.  ¡¦Out,¡¦ she says irritably.

I glance at the TV and chuckle to myself. SportsCenter. Never pegged Jubes for a football lover. ¡¦I didn¡¦t think you were a SportsCenter fan, Jubes.¡¦

¡¦I¡¦m not, usually,¡¦ she practically yells, reachin¡¦ back with the arm that¡¦s not over her eyes to jab me in the leg. ¡¦I turned it on just for you.¡¦

What is it with this kid? ¡¦Again with the violence. You wanna stop with that already?¡¦

¡¦You¡¦re one to talk!¡¦ She takes her arm off her face an¡¦ squints up at me with an expression I¡¦m sure is supposed to be intimidating. It¡¦s actually kinda cute. ¡¦Whaddya want, anyway? Can¡¦t a girl get any peace around here?¡¦

I pat her head in an attempt to placate her. ¡¦Just wanted some company. That okay by you?¡¦

She puts her arm back over her eyes. ¡¦I guess.¡¦ Great. I start flippin¡¦ channels. ¡¦But I¡¦m going back to sleep.¡¦

I sit there for a while, watchin¡¦ Jubes more than the TV. She¡¦s rolled over on her side and has one leg sorta curled up under her, hands tucked under her face like a little kid. She¡¦s always sweeter when she sleeps¡¦mostly ¡¦cause her mouth ain¡¦t movin¡¦. Smartass, I think affectionately, reaching down to push her dark hair out of her face. She mumbles somethin¡¦ when my hand brushes her cheek, an¡¦ I smile a little to myself. Too bad she ain¡¦t a little older; too bad we already got a nice buddy-buddy arrangement, ¡¦cause she and I would definitely work well together in a very non-buddy situation. The way she was lookin¡¦ in that little yellow two-piece¡¦

I shake myself an¡¦ make myself stop thinkin¡¦ along those lines before my imagination gets outta hand. For awhile I force myself to stare at the TV an¡¦ not at Jubilation. It¡¦s a lost cause, though, so I resign myself to my fate and turn my eyes back to her. She¡¦s smilin¡¦ in her sleep, an¡¦ I think I could watch her forever.

An hour later, I¡¦m beginnin¡¦ to think I just might. Jubilee¡¦s not showin¡¦ any signs of returnin¡¦ to the land of the livin¡¦ anytime soon. Not that I¡¦m complainin¡¦, ¡¦cause she¡¦s shifted around in her sleep so her head¡¦s pillowed on my leg an¡¦ her hand¡¦s sorta tucked behind my knee. She¡¦s always liked layin¡¦ that way when we¡¦re watchin¡¦ TV. Says she likes snugglin¡¦ with her Wolvie.

Might get more than you bargained for, Jubes, I think, an¡¦ shake my head hard to banish the thought.

Fortunately, I¡¦m saved by a voice from the doorway. ¡¦Logan!¡¦

¡¦Yeah.¡¦ It¡¦s Ororo, bless her. She comes sailing in, does a little double-take when she sees Jubilation; to her credit, though, she don¡¦t do a thing except raise her eyebrow a little. ¡¦Remy called for Jubilee. She¡¦s supposed to meet them at the Shack, whatever that is, as soon as possible.¡¦

The Shack, huh. It is the first weekend of summer, I remember. Figures those I.D.s are gettin¡¦ used tonight.

¡¦I¡¦ll let her know.¡¦ I don¡¦t want to wake her up quite yet¡¦that little smile hasn¡¦t faded, an¡¦ I wonder briefly what she¡¦s dreamin¡¦ about. Ororo gives me the raised-eyebrow again, an¡¦ I shrug at her. She quirks a smile at me an¡¦ disappears.

I wait fifteen more minutes before I decide I¡¦d better wake Jubilee up. I poke her shoulder.

No response. She¡¦s dead to the world.

I poke her again. And again. ¡¦Jubilee.¡¦

¡¦NNGH!¡¦ She lives! I think. A second later her eyes open. She looks even more annoyed than when I woke her up the first time. ¡¦Dammit, Logan!¡¦

I give her my best innocent look. ¡¦What?¡¦

She sits up. ¡¦I was having a positively wonderful dream about Heath Ledger,¡¦ she says huffily, glaring at me. ¡¦I hate you.¡¦

I love this girl.

¡¦Ororo says Remy called. They want you to meet them at the Shack.¡¦ I ignore her little outburst.

¡¦Now?¡¦ She leans forward, squints at the clock. ¡¦You gonna drive me?¡¦

Uh-uh. No flamin¡¦ way I¡¦m gettin¡¦ suckered into chaufferin¡¦ her to some little hippy-hop club. ¡¦Nope,¡¦ I say, even as the pleadin¡¦ look in her pretty eyes melts my resolve. I sigh.

See? Can¡¦t ever tell her no.

End Memory

***

I was determined not to get anywhere near the dance floor. Jubilation bugged me and bugged me, bein¡¦ her usual annoyin¡¦ self, an¡¦ I was prepared to tell her no all night. But she surprised me¡¦after a coupla minutes, she gave up an¡¦ wandered off.

Not, however, without callin¡¦ me a boring old person an¡¦ stickin¡¦ her lower lip out in a pout that was very cute an¡¦ had, in my opinion, adverse effects on my nether regions¡¦which, naturally, unnerved me a little. I was all set to go back to my beer an¡¦ wait for her to come around and try again when I spotted her dancing.

With Gambit.

I shudder as I remember my reaction to seein¡¦ my Jubilation snuggled entirely too close to the Mansion¡¦s resident sex machine. Seein¡¦ Marie with Bobby was bad enough. Remy makes Bobby look like the flamin¡¦ Pillsbury Doughboy, in terms of testosterone.

I¡¦d marched right over to the happy little couple an¡¦ cut in. Coulda sworn I glimpsed a smug little smile on Jubilee¡¦s face. Damn if she didn¡¦t know exactly what she was doin¡¦. ¡¦Course, she freaked out about a minute later an¡¦ went runnin¡¦ off to the bar for another beer. Women.

By the time we were dancin¡¦ for the third time, I¡¦d begun to wonder if she did know what she was doing. She¡¦d had several beers an¡¦ I knew her tolerance was low, especially ¡¦cause she¡¦s Asian. But even drunkenness shouldn¡¦t have compelled her to shimmy right up close and practically glue herself to me. I was beginnin¡¦ to wonder about what exactly was goin¡¦ on. All I knew was that I had my hands on her waist an¡¦ her arms were around my neck an¡¦ she was lookin¡¦ up at me as though I¡¦d answered every prayer she¡¦d ever offered up an¡¦ I don¡¦t know when I¡¦ve ever been happier, even if I did look like a pansy. I mean, we were dancin¡¦ to Lee Ann Womack, for pete¡¦s sake. At that moment, I¡¦d felt like I¡¦d do anything to keep her in my arms, an¡¦ that definitely wasn¡¦t a good-buddy thought. But before I could muse any more about the topic, Jubes started weavin¡¦ and stumblin¡¦ an¡¦ I knew it was time to take her home.

As I¡¦d cleaned her up after her second re-visitation with her Coronas, I thought back, tryin¡¦ to remember when exactly I¡¦d figured out she¡¦d grown out of Yappy Teenager Mode. I decided it was probably the other day when I saw her hangin¡¦ out with the other kids at the pool. She¡¦d been wearin¡¦ this little yellow two-piece that showed off every curve an¡¦ slope an¡¦ proved without a shadow of a doubt she wasn¡¦t a little obnoxious eighteen-year-old any more.

It occurs to me in the middle of my reverie that her birthday¡¦s comin¡¦ up in a few weeks, an¡¦ I make a mental note not to forget it this year. I should get her somethin¡¦ nice to make up for not rememberin¡¦ her nineteenth or twentieth.

Twenty-one, I realize. She¡¦s gonna be twenty-one.

Guess she can get rid of that damn fake I.D. she carries around all the time.

It¡¦s probably a good thing I didn¡¦t figure out she¡¦s not a kid any more when she was asleep in my bed after passin¡¦ out in my bathroom. After our little display at the club, it was hard enough to keep from crawlin¡¦ in between the covers with her an¡¦ curlin¡¦ up close. She just looked so damn cute, all mussed and rumpled an¡¦ as content as you please.

An¡¦ it¡¦s just like Jubilation, too, to make me want to use the word cute.

The whisky¡¦s almost half gone, an¡¦ I don¡¦t feel a damn bit better. Matter of fact, I feel worse. This is, after all, what most people would call a bad situation. I did, after all, jus¡¦ break it to Marie that she ain¡¦t the woman I want. Worse, it seems more an¡¦ more that the one I do want is Jubilee.

An¡¦ judgin¡¦ by the way she acted the morning after she passed out in my room, it ain¡¦t as mutual as I¡¦d like it to be.

If that wasn¡¦t bad enough, now I¡¦ve got this problem with Marie. I¡¦ve got no idea what I¡¦m supposed to do about that. It kills me to know how bad I¡¦ve hurt her. I tried so hard to keep her safe an¡¦ happy, and I wind up lettin¡¦ her down anyway. I don¡¦t know how I¡¦ll be able to face her, or the team, for that matter¡¦Marie¡¦s their little darlin¡¦, an¡¦ I know well enough that they don¡¦t stand for anyone makin¡¦ her cry. Used to be I was the chief enforcer of that policy, but now I¡¦m the one who¡¦s upset her more¡¦n anyone else, an¡¦ I think that definitely affects my say in the matter.

I decide I better just head outta here first thing in the mornin¡¦.

I stand up, wobblin¡¦ a little. The whisky¡¦s buzzin¡¦ in the back of my head, but it¡¦s already fadin¡¦, an¡¦ I¡¦m pretty sure that by the time I get downstairs I¡¦ll be stone sober again. Unfortunately.

I throw the empty bottle away an¡¦ wander outside, feelin¡¦ weirdly lost. I don¡¦t like these emotional situations. I¡¦d rather be fightin¡¦ Sabretooth or Mystique¡¦or anyone, for that matter. Don¡¦t know what to do about anything right now. Kinda wish Jubes were here.

I round the corner to the courtyard an¡¦ suddenly there she is.

She¡¦s meanderin¡¦ along, hands stuffed in her pockets, her back to me. I hear her hummin¡¦ a faint little tuneless melody.

¡¦Jubilation,¡¦ I hear myself say, an¡¦ she turns. An odd expression flashes across her face when she sees me, somethin¡¦ like pain. She starts toward me, an¡¦ I see exhaustion in every move she makes. She¡¦s pale, with circles under her eyes, an¡¦ I instinctively want to tell her to get to bed, because what¡¦s a kid like her doin¡¦ up at this hour anyway?

But, I remember, she ain¡¦t a kid any more. An¡¦ I do really want to be with her right now. Guilt¡¦s eatin¡¦ me up inside, an¡¦ I don¡¦t know what to do about it.

She walks right up to me an¡¦ touches my arm, an¡¦ I feel somethin¡¦ in my chest constrict.

¡¦What¡¦s happenin¡¦, champ?¡¦ she says. Her tone is light but her gaze is not; she¡¦s starin¡¦ at me, searchin¡¦ my eyes. I want to say somethin¡¦ to her, but I can¡¦t seem to find my voice, so I just shake my head.

There¡¦s a long pause. I turn my eyes away. I don¡¦t like her seein¡¦ me like this.

But she doesn¡¦t seem to mind. In that same false-bright voice she suggests we go somewhere an¡¦ talk, and the idea seems so absurdly inappropriate that I have to grin a little. I nod at her.

She hesitates a moment, then reaches out and slips her hand into mine. It startles me, an¡¦ I¡¦m suddenly so grateful for her presence that all I can do is squeeze back so hard I¡¦m sure I¡¦m hurtin¡¦ her. But the small smile she flashes up at me is a reassuring one, an¡¦ I feel a twinge of relief.

We walk slowly back toward the gazebo. I feel the weight on my chest lighten just a little bit as Jubilation¡¦s thumb grazes my knuckles. She¡¦s good to me, this woman, and it goes beyond just savin¡¦ my ass on a regular basis.

Once I thought Jubes would be the death of me. Now I know otherwise. No matter where I am, she¡¦s my lifeline.

Without her, I wouldn¡¦t be here.

Without her, I won¡¦t be goin¡¦ on.