The Philosopher's Stone
by Dande
Notes: I have writer's block something
fierce. This came to me at work so I wrote it the hell down. I wanted
to finish a thought and this is the result. I'd had an idea for a Remy/Jean
fic ever since I heard about the rumor that was bandied about and discarded
before the Revolution. This wasn't really the plan... but it works for
me. Thoughts and feedback are certainly welcome.
Disclaimer: These characters are not mine. Some current continuity
is included in this story but, generally, it skews a tad. The poem is
mine, however. This is a non-profit venture.
My lover speaks to me in silence and
I answer him in kind.
Where I go he follows
Where he is I am.
Were I lesser then I am I would not feel this way
I would not accept
I would not love him
I do accept
I do love
My lover is a traitor and I betray him in my way
I had loved another
And he had loved before
Were my soul not broken I could never have found him
I will not love him
I will not change
Yet I love him
By different means
This relationship is not a secret.
But nobody talks about it.
They don't know what to say, really. And I don't know what to tell them.
It's been three years since Scott died, aren't I allowed to love again?
Wouldn't Scott want me to love again? That's
not the issue and I know it. It's who I found love again with that no one understands.
They all expected my new love to be Logan. I guess I expected that as
well. Wasn't it common knowledge that the only thing that stood between
Logan and I was Scott? Wasn't it?
I find myself at the window. He's still in bed. He stirs slightly but
does not wake. I can feel a smile tug at my lips. If he wakes he knows
where to look for me. I tend to spend some quality time at the window
during the night. It lets me think in silence, which is a nice thing
for a telepath. The cigarette I hold gives off a thin ribbon of smoke
that winds about, catching the moonlight, then dissipating. Yes, the
cigarettes. It's a habit I picked up from him. We only indulge when
we're behind closed doors these days. We can give everyone that much
comfort, I suppose.
Logan found out before everyone else did. Like I could keep a secret
from him. With that nose? Are you kidding?
He was furious and hurt. Like everyone else, including me, he had been
expecting me to come to him when I was ready.
Well, life just doesn't work the way we expect it to.
I expected to grow old with Scott. I expected Scott to live a little
longer than he did. I expected a few things that didn't happen.
I did not expect Remy.
He's always been something of a mystery. Actually, I think he was more
surprised at the way it all turned out than I was. And believe me I
was plenty shocked at the way things went. After we found out that he
worked for Sinister I didn't think I'd ever be able to look at Remy
again without ripping that gorgeous head off and spitting down his throat
much less love him. For a long time I didn't trust the guy and I sure
as hell didn't harbor any feelings towards him that could be considered
amorous.
I only accepted him as a teammate again shortly before Scott died.
I came to accept him as more than that.
Remy wasn't around all that much in the aftermath of Scott's death.
He was there for the memorial and he was there to help out when we needed
him to. But he was dealing with a lot of his own baggage at the time.
His father, the Guilds, his powers. I really didn't see a lot of him
until we all met up in Venice. Even then, well, we weren't particularly
tight. Remy took the reins and we went to Russia.
That's where things changed. Working conditions forced me to confront
my feelings for him. I had to be sure of what I felt if I was going
to work with him. Did I really not trust him? Did I really hate him?
Did I really think he betrayed us all? I had called him Judas, hadn't
I? And now he was my team leader? He was going to attempt to
take Scott's place?
What kind of sick joke was that?
I am a telepath. I have to be truthful to myself if I'm going to be
able to use my power effectively. Was Remy a traitor? Wasn't it just
easier for me to hold on to my anger and direct it at Remy? I was broken
after Scott died. I was angry at the world and everyone in it. Not that
I ever would have admitted that, but there you are. My heart was lead...
it was heavy and cold and hard. My Scott was dead and I didn't want
to care, or love, or believe, or anything. Remy was an easy target.
He bore it well, all things considered.
I ended up spending a lot of time with Remy in Russia. Telepaths are
such useful things, after all. What team leader wouldn't, excuse the
term, pick our brains when given the chance? Remy also laid down the
law about my tendency to get into fistfights with whomever we happened
to be up against. 'What the hell good is a telepath if she's going to
jump into the fray and get herself knocked out at the first opportunity?'
were his exact words, I believe.
He insisted that if I was so determined to mix it up that he was going
to damn well teach me how to fight. Lord, did he. He taught me the dirtiest
tricks, too. 'You don't have a metal skeleton, you don't have super-strength,
your agility isn't that far above average and you aren't invulnerable.
Woman, if you're going to take it to them you'd better use every nasty
thing you can think of to your advantage.'
'Woman,' it's become something of a pet name.
While Remy was teaching me how to brawl effectively, I was helping him
out with his own power. I had not realized how dangerous he was since
Sinister put everything back to the way it was. Yes, he told me about
that. Funny, all I had to do was ask. So, we helped each other and we
got to know each other pretty well. And when it came to fighting we
watched each other's backs. It was such an easy progression to go from
looking out for each other to looking for each other. God,
it was so natural it didn't occur to me that others wouldn't think so,
too.
Like I said, Logan wasn't happy. He made some pretty ugly statements
about how I seemed to latch onto the leaders. He asked me if I would've
thrown myself at him if he'd taken the position. I'm glad Remy wasn't
around to hear that. I'm glad I didn't do or say anything to Logan right
then, even if I really wanted to slug him.
Logan apologized later. I accepted. We don't talk much these days. It's
kind of sad, really.
Everything is different now. The teams don't even live in the same house
anymore. Not that it's a bad thing. Remy told me I needed to live in
the real world for a change. We still, officially, commandeer the mansion.
Hank is with our team and all of Hank's research is there and that seemed
reason enough. Actually, none of us really even live there anymore except
for Hank and he's turning it into a research center to rival Muir.
Rogue moved her team to Fall's Edge after Forge rebuilt it. It made
sense for them to be a bit more in where the action was.
Rogue.
Remy and I were still pretty tentative to describe what was between
us as anything other than a convenient comfort when Rogue got wind of
our relationship. She got the jump on us at the boathouse one morning.
I wasn't stupid enough to think she was just going to ignore us but
she surprised me. No scenes, no tirades, no tears. Rogue and Peter had
gotten pretty tight during the interim and she was so much more at ease
with herself and her powers.
She and Remy had flair, no one could deny it, but that flame died out
and it was pretty clear to both of them that though they were great
at driving each other crazy it just wasn't enough to maintain a relationship.
I think that was when I realized that my feelings for Remy weren't as
superficial as I thought.
Remy's a great looking guy. He's charming and witty and knows how to
woo a woman. He knows what it's like to lose people and he knows what
it's like to put the pieces of your life back together. Up to that point
he was a good friend, a great listener, and a terrific bedmate. When
Rogue left us that morning all I could think was 'He's MINE!'
It was a little crazy. Remy was always Remy to me until that moment.
Then he became MY Remy and woe upon any woman who tried to get to him
in any way.
Two years have passed since that moment and I still feel that way. My
heart was lead and he turned it to gold.
Nathan, Ororo, Remy and I scattered briefly before regrouping again.
We're something of a globetrotting team these days. Hank is our knowledge
base. Right now, Remy and I are staying at his place in New Orleans.
Ororo and Nathan are checking out a situation in Atlanta.
And still no one knows what to say about this relationship.
I put out my cigarette and return to bed. He wakes as I pull at the
covers and opens his arms to me. I fall into them easily. Perhaps no
one says anything because there isn't any need.
My lover touches me with his
gaze and I reach for him with mine
My loss left me broken
He shattered at his own
Were our wounds less painful we'd never be as we are
I can never feel alive
I can never give him comfort
I live in his breath
His comfort is me
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