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I can hear her calling my name, whispering to me in the night. But she is beyond my reach, and so I know I am hallucinating. I can hear her, though, telling me to not blame myself. I can hear my sister, even though she is dead.

I used to be known as Cougar. I was Cougar back when I had a home, a family. A sister who was my twin. I was Cougar five years ago, but Cougar died four years ago. Cougar died when Priestess died.

Priestess. Serene SkyDancer. Maya Nakamura. She had many different facets. Many different faces. She was a mother, a fiancée, a lover, a daughter, and a sister. She was my sister. She had a daughter who died, a fiancé who loved her, a mother who needed her, and two brothers who protected her.

Odd. I haven't thought about the others in a long time. I can still see young Summer, how she obviously adored my sister. I can still see little Mikey, all grown up now. I can still see April and Tommy and Logan and Jubee. They were the only friends Maya acknowledged. I can still see our mother, weeping over the loss of her only daughter. Again.

But most of all, I can still see Remy. He was her best friend, her lover, her protector. He tried to defend her from Death, but he wasn't allowed to. And so he lost her to Death.

Strange. Remy and I used to be adversaries, both vying for Maya's love. Remy wanted her passionate love; I wanted her sisterly love. Neither of us understood that we had it, until it was too late. I now realise it was foolish, but it was natural. Maya told us we were classic alpha males, and she was right. We are.

Remy was her lover, and hadn't gotten used to the fact that another male already had a claim to her love. He accepted Tommy, because Tommy is married to April. He accepted Logan, because he is Logan's friend. He accepted Mikey, because Mikey is so easygoing. But he couldn't accept me.

That's okay, though. I couldn't accept him, either. I accepted Tommy, because I knew Tommy. I accepted Logan, because Logan had more of an interest in Shadow. I accepted Mikey, because he's just Mikey. But I couldn't accept Remy. I couldn't believe that my twin had grown up and had a lover. Not after what she went through with the old man, and with Stephen.

The old man. Old man Jonssen. The one who thought that it was Maya's privilege and honor to be allowed to do things to him, and to let him do things to her. The bastard. I was never so proud of my sister as when she stabbed him through the hand before he could react. She always was quick.

And Stephen. The fool. He told Maya that he loved her. Maya was willing to marry him. And then Stephen tried to corner her into bed. She dropped him fast. Stephen might have won her back, except he decided to blow his brains out. That bruised her badly.

But she met Remy, and apparently Remy was able to piece her shattered psyche back together. His love and his passion for her was what she needed, what I couldn't provide. And that's the reason that he's the only one I keep in touch with now.

Now. Cougar died four years ago. Ronin was born. That's who I am, Ronin. A masterless samurai. But I choose no master, for I deserve none. I let my sister die before my eyes, and I felt her die. I felt a part of me die too.

I can remember only fragments of our childhood. But I dream of them every night. I can remember the way she moved so gracefully during her gymnastics, the way I eventually turned into a coach for her. I remember the way that our mother would drill us relentlessly in the ways of the ninja, and the ways of the samurai. I remember that Maya was intrigued by the ninja way of life, and that she found my fascination with the samurai just as intriguing.

I remember how she called me Sammy once, short for samurai. I remember how I called her Ninny in return, short for ninja. She never called me Sammy again.

I remember the way she looked when we graduated. It was funny, that she was valedictorian. I was ranked third, and April was salutatorian. The three of us had grown up close, and April was like another sister to me.

I can still envision Maya's fiery death, engulfed in a pillar of fire. At least she didn't suffer. She was already dying, being destroyed by the dark energy from the Priest. But I couldn't save her.

No, that's wrong. I could have saved her. But I didn't. I could have taken some of the Priest's blows, could have let the others save Maya. But I didn't, even though I knew she would die. She told me once that the balance between her and the Priest needed to be restored.

And when the battle between them began, she trusted me to make sure no one else interfered. She trusted me to allow her to sacrifice herself, rather than sacrifice her teammates. And because of that trust, I allowed her to sacrifice herself.

I shouldn't have done that. I should have sacrificed myself instead. I shouldn't have let my sister die, because too many people loved her. But I did, and now I wander the world as a mercenary, and became the ninja that my sister was.

Maya would be appalled at the way I have changed in the last four years. I know she would. That's why I can hear her calling to me from beyond the grave. That's why I can hear her telling me to go home, because she does not blame me.

But my sister doesn't understand. She never could. My sister was always pure and innocent, even when her innocence was lost. I always wanted to keep that about her. Instead, I let her die. I watched her die.

My sister could never understand about the blood I have on my hands. Not the blood of the people I've assassinated. They all deserved it, I made sure of that. No, my sister could never understand that it is her blood I have on my hands. Her blood, and my guilt.

I loved my sister. I still do. But she's gone, and all I have left are my dreams. My dreams and the feeling that my sister is trying to reach out to me from beyond the grave. The way she did with Remy.

But she won't succeed. Because of the blood of my guilt. I know that if I look hard enough, if I try hard enough, I might actually believe her. But I can't afford to do that. I don't deserve her love. I don't deserve her forgiveness. I don't deserve it.

Not anymore. And that's why she won't succeed.